So Close and Still So Far Away
by JuLiaAleX
Summary: Life's unfair for some people, even for some angels... What would happen when Kaworu has the chance to recover the thing he loves the most? Would he be able to make the sacrifice Shinji has forgotten mean something again? rate would be updated
1. Maybe I Was Born To Love You Endlessly

Well, hi to everyone...this is Alex writing... There's nothing I particularly want to add, just that I love the S/K pairing and it was my shounen ai addiction which drove me to write this...just be nice 'cause this is the first fic I find good enough to post. The song used is Understanding, by Evanescence. Japanese phrases used will be translated for you at the start of every chapter.

Spoken words: " "

** 'gomen nasai' (sorry)**

Warning: Spoilers, Shounen Ai (meaning boy-boy relationship) and some Yaoi in later chapters. Also I may add my story starts after episode 24, so I disregarded the films.

Disclaimer: Shinji and Kaworu are still in Tokyo-3. That proves I don't own NGE, cuz if I did they will be mine! I don't own any of Evanescence's songs either.

** Maybe I was born to love you endlessly**

The pain that grips you

The fear that binds you

Releases life in me

**The corpse-like form laying on the cold rocks twisted a bit. A weak moan escaped it's colorless lips, and it's entire body started shivering. To any onlookers it would seem that this…this creature was just cold. And it would seem a reasonable thought, given that it was laying in the cold ground completely naked. But, of course, that idea would mean they had not seen the look on it's red orbs. **

In our mutual shame

We hide our eyes

To blind them from the truth

That finds a way for who we are

**There weren't any witnesses to this creature's pain, though. Tabris, of Freewill was totally, helplessly alone. **

**Tabris had been gazing at the stone wall in front of him as thought he expected it to gave him a solution to his confinement. His red eyes wide opened, resembling those of the insane. His fists clenched so tight that, if he were still alive he would have hurt himself. What was left of his torn apart mind was now stuck in the only thought he had, the only one thing that remained pure, completely wholesome, totally uncontaminated in his awfully shattered soul. In the fragile condition he was, a solitary thought filled his ruined psyche, currently brought to pieces, like an old mirror, whose reflecting figure has been dusted and forgotten, nevertheless still lingers and longs for someone to take notice of it's useless self. **

**He had lost track of time since he was confined to this prison in the depths of Hell. Since he had been humiliated, rejected, and thrown into Hell by God. Tabris had also witnessed his siblings, the other Angels, declaring him a traitor and cursing his name for having failed on purpose. Since then the silver-haired teenage form he had occupied while on Earth had been restored to him as a reminder of the cause of his punishment. And there he lay, too scared to even try to stand yet too tired of just lying there, abandoned and cut off from any other soul. **

Please don't be afraid

When the darkness fades away

The dawn will break the silence

Screaming in our hearts

**He wasn't in any physical pain, though, because he owned no body. But the psychological torture was insufferable. He had been left alone in a never ending labyrinth, so huge that even if it wouldn't modify itself every minute it would have taken centuries to him to find the way out. **

**From time to time, his senses fooled him. Or maybe it was just the giant maze, that seemed to find new ways to torment Tabris at every single second. But that didn't matter, though. Whatever happened, nothing was worse than what he had put himself through, the fixation burying him into the most desperate state of misery.**

**Every now and then, while he ran through the labyrinth's dark corridors, he thought he heard somebody laughing. Not the terrible, scorning laughter one may have expected in such a situation, but a sweet happiness-filled laughter, a pure and liberated sound that made him feel so out of place. Then he would spent hours, even days, trying to find his way to the source of the sound, or to listen to it again, until he collapsed in hopelessness, to be left alone with his own reality, knees against chest, silver locks between the tight grip of clawed hands, dead red eyes overflowing with new sets of tears. **

My love for you still grows

This I do for you

Before I try to fight the truth

My final time

**Some other times, he saw pictures that belonged to the real world. While trying in futility to climb the maze's elevated walls, he had seen an image in his mind. The most disturbing thing that was ever shown to any living soul. It was ironical, though, that he was being bombarded with the most graphic images of the terrible pain that the only thing he ever laid his thoughts on was experiencing. A brown-haired teenager, laying in a bed, holding his pillow to his chest, maybe so he could feel there was still something to cling to, even if it was just a piece of unanimated cloth. Tabris could only just watch as the boy's midnight blue eyes flooded with tears and could only listen unable to do anything when the boy's fine lips voiced the only word they seemed capable of finding any significance within…"Kaworu-kun…" And then something that made Tabris' heart sank to new profundities. "Why?" **

"We are supposed to try to be real

And I feel alone, and we're not together

And that is real"

**The worst about those visions was that Tabris would never know whether they were real or just creations to make his suffering complete. They seemed so real, though, every single inch of Shinji's person was just as he remembered; his soft midnight blue eyes, a window that told the outside world about an infinite sadness, his chocolate brown fine hair, and the way it waved on the soft wind entering through his bedroom's window, his tender hands curled up on top of his bed's sheets, and how they stirred involuntarily with surprise when Tabris had rested his own on one of them. Whenever those images came to his mind, he couldn't help but to fall to his knees and scream. He screamed until he really felt it was useless to do so. He screamed his soul out, maybe in a foolish attempt to get Shinji to hear him from above. **

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

**He found in screaming a good way to endure his agony. He found the eternal silence in his maze-prison only interrupted either by the sounds of joy and bliss coming from so far away that he could never reach them or by those disturbing images of Shinji's own soreness and loneliness. And even so, he had realized that those visions, if they were real, were the only way he had of watching Shinji. But he was also fearful that if he tried to enjoy them, then they would be taken away and he would lose all touch with Shinji's reality. **

**He wasn't even sure which he hated the most, the maddening delusions or the silence. A silence so deep that overwhelmed him, like he had to carry the heaviest of burdens on his back, like he was constricted more and more by only silence. By screaming, he found himself relieved from both distressing mirages and tormenting silence. **

Can't fight it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't scream it all away

It just won't fade away

**The pale body he recognized as his own lifted from the ground and stared at the spot where he supposed his injured hands would be. Tears of desolation fell from his eyes to the ground. He could feel something in the tense atmosphere around him. Feel it, because the darkness was so total that it didn't allowed him to see anything. But still something had changed, and he sensed it. It was another vision coming. But now, he was prepared. He had found hope in a place where such thing shouldn't exist. If those visions were real, then they must had have some connection to the real world. To Shinji's world…**

Lying beside you

Listening to you breathe

The life that flows inside of you

Burns inside of me

**Tabris waited patiently for this vision to flow through his mind. A blinding light appeared in front of him, as always…**

**There was a bedroom he didn't recognize, and here and there lay some bags. The place seemed rather empty, like ready for a sudden runaway of it's occupant. And then, a boy entered the room. Shinji's full body was shaking violently as he left a small piece of paper on the bed Tabris assumed was his own. At that point, Tabris tried his best not to try to reach out to Shinji, but the loneliness in this kind heart made him lose control of himself. This was the worst thing of all, and he'd much preferred the heaviest of silences, being able to watch Shinji's misery and being unable to do a damn thing about it was definitely the worst he had experienced. Shinji was still shaking when he picked up the bags from the floor. He stopped at the bedroom's door, and Tabris saw how those midnight-blue eyes he loved the most were abruptly flooded by tears. He heard Shinji's voice echoing through him. **

Hold and speak to me

Of love without a sound

Tell me you will live through this

And I will die for you

"**Gomen nasai, Misato-san" the words left his mouth with a perpetual sorrow that seemed to devastate what was left of Tabris' soul. "But I can't do it anymore…not after wh-..._I just can__'t!"_ and with that Shinji made his way out of his bedroom and out of Misato's apartment.**

Cast me not away

Say you'll be with me

For I know I cannot

Bear it all alone

**Then everything started to become white...light carrying the vision away just as it had took it. Then everything would be normal and a shuddering Tabris would be left behind. But...not this time. Now he was determined to help Shinji. To comeback. Tabris forced his mind and soul to come along with the light, doing his best to use this feeble link to the world above to escape. Everything went dark in a second, and he could remember no longer.**

"You are not alone, honey

Never, never"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------**


	2. In Cold Nights I Recall Your Memory

**Hi, everyone!**

**Second chapter already! I can hardly believe myself... Ok, first of all thanks to berettaboy for your review and support... This chapter doesn't contain any japanese words or expressions. **

**Warning: shounen ai in later chapters. Spoilers, lot of spoilers**

**Disclaimer: I wanted Shinji and Kaworu for Christmas, but, alas...I still don't own them... **

**In cold nights I recall your memory**

"_You hold the imprints deep within your own mind_

_Consciously, you've forgotten it, that's the way the human mind works_

_Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain, _

_We reject it, we erase it from our memories. But the imprint is always there…"_

**It was a beautiful morning, Shinji decided. And that was what made his nightmares more repulsive. The fact that he couldn't forget he almost killed Toji, that Asuka had had a mental breakdown and she couldn't pilot anymore, that Rei…that Rei was only a clone of the original Rei and even that Rei wasn't _real_, that Misato was so lost in her own grief that she couldn't help him anymore. And that his father…his own father was guilty of all that. His father and NERV. **

**But he knew there was more than what he actually could remember.**

**He got up from his bed, listening to the singing birds outside his window. Why there were so many blank spaces in his mind? Had something happen that didn't let him found out the truth? **

**He didn't know anymore. Not that he care either. Every time he had tried to search the depths of his memory for those blank spaces, his eyes were overflowed by tears and a voice in his head had told him to stop. Then he felt almost as his head would explode with an unimaginable pain. His heart-beat increased and he began panting. And he knew what he was feeling, for he had felt it so many times in the past. Fear. An uncontrollable, unspeakable, uncalculated fear. **

**No wonder he had decided to block away the thought.**

**Shinji went to the kitchen. He prepared some breakfast for himself and, after he ate it, he went out of the building to make his way to school.**

Playground school bell rings…again

Rain clouds come to play…again

**He used school as an escape to his loneliness now. He had run away from Tokyo-3 and he was alone. It is weird, the difference between the past and the present. When living in Tokyo-3, he had been alone, but at the same time surrounded by people. He knew it was him who blocked away others, he knew that it was his choice. But now, away from everyone, he was really alone. Now it wasn't like he could get out of his room and attempt to have a nice chat with someone. He was too far now. It was too late.**

**Shinji knew that if he would have felt like it, he could have abandoned school. But he didn't. Not that he had a particular interest in learning, but he found that going to school was a great way to concentrate on other things than his own pain. Of course, there were those days were he was feeling so depressed that he could hardly manage to get out of bed. When he couldn't stop himself from crying and crying again. Initially he had skipped school when he wasn't feeling alright, for he didn't want to cry in front of his classmates and teachers. He wasn't worried that they would mock him, he didn't care. He was scared that they would try to comfort him and act friendly towards him. Most of all, he was terrified that they would ask him what was so wrong. And he knew he couldn't have answered that, because he himself didn't know what was wrong.**

**Even if he didn't have any friends at school, he just felt it was like having a second home, a home where one could forget, even if just for a moment, that one was alone, that one was sad, that one was different. **

Has no one told you she's not breathing?

Hello, I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to

Hello

**Shinji had gotten himself a part-time job also. On his first days, he had been going from here to there with his things. While being in Misato's apartment he had thought that running away was his only option. So he had just packed his things, got all of his money and simply left. He hadn't thought for a minute that he didn't have any place to go, anyone who could help him, or anything. He had not considered that, until he was on the train that should take him away from Tokyo-3. So when he had run out of money, he carried his things to a nearby park and sat on a bench until he could no longer hold it and began crying helplessly like the child he partially was. **

If I smile and don't believe

Soon I know I'll wake from this dream

**But then, destiny had smiled to him, for the first time. An old lady had seen him and felt sorry for this crying little child that was getting all wet on that cold evening's rain. She had asked him where his home was, where his parents were, why was he all alone, and another thousand unanswered questions. Shinji had just sobbed harder and harder anytime she asked anything. The woman had then handled him a coat and brought him to her house, two blocks away from the park. Shinji had spent the night at her place, as she couldn't manage to get anything but tears from him. Shinji had cried all his pain out that night. The next morning, the old woman, whose name was Kawashi Asami, had assumed he was a runaway teenager, and when Shinji told her both his parents were dead, she only stated that no one would like to end up in foster care at his age. She had given him a piece of paper with the address of a person, she thought, that could give Shinji a job. Next thing Shinji knew, he had a new job, and he was living in Asami-san's house, where he insisted on renting her a room, rather than staying as a guest. **

**A difficult part had been explaining his situation to his new school's authorities; the headmistress had listened to his 'story' carefully, like measuring the character of this blue-eyed teenager through her glasses. The headmistress was a blonde sweet woman. Shinji had first thought she must be in her fifties, but when he started talking to her, he corrected himself and gave her forty years old, to say the most. Her name, as Shinji remembered, was Miss Sasaki. Shinji had told her how both his parents were dead and that he hadn't got anyone in the world besides Asami-san and that he truly wished to resume his studies, and the headmistress had understood his situation and had told him that if Mrs. Asami was willing to sign as his legal guardian, she will admit him in her school. And so Shinji had started his new life, far away from Tokyo-3 and the world he used to call his own.**

**After some months passed by, he had grown a special bond to the woman that had saved him. She often referred to Shinji as an 'adopted grandson' and that made Shinji smile as though he had not experienced pain in his entire life. She had also told him that her only son had died in the Second Impact and that she believed she had approached Shinji because he reminded her to him. 'Same eyes, you know? ' she had said. Shinji had found that statement very encouraging, even if it meant that Asami-san (like he liked to call her) had first liked him only because of his resemblance to her dead son.**

**The fact that this tender-hearted woman had trusted his home to a complete stranger had just won Shinji's heart. Now, his new 'granny' had left him all alone in the house, since she wanted to pay a visit to her sister for two weeks. She told Shinji that she felt relieved that someone will be at the house to watch after it, and that she trusted him completely. He was overwhelmed, to say the least, but managed to mumble something that sounded like an 'arigato' and, after recovering his voice, he affirmed that he would take good care of the house. **

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken

Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide

Don't cry

**But now, after six months living with Asami-san, he was all alone again, even if he didn't have to worry about the money, even if he knew that Asami-san would comeback in only twelve days, he felt as if he were alone again, he felt depressed and terrified of what may happen. He had told her the truth about his past only three weeks ago, when she had woke him up from a nightmare. He had told her everything about the Evangelions, about his mother, about his father, about Rei, about Asuka, about Misato, about the Angels…everything.**

**So the now left alone Shinji wandered in the streets on his way to school pondering on everything that had happened since he had left NERV's headquarters, but most of all, he was trying to remember what he felt was missing. No, what he knew was missing. He was sure something had been wiped out in his mind. And so he began digging in his mind, despite the reverberating headache he was starting to feel.**

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping

Hello? And I'm still here

All that's left of yesterday


	3. Is There Still Hope To Fly?

**Back to Kaworu's POV. Third chapter already. **

**"Spoken words", _Thoughts_**

**Disclaimer: The only thing I really own is my computer and it doesn't work. I don't own NGE, and I don't own Evanescence's song (though I can sing them pretty well LOL)**

**Song used is "Fields of Innocence" by Evanescence (obviously).**

**Is there still hope to fly?**

I still remember the world  
From the eyes of a child

Slowly those feelings

Were clouded by what I know now

"**How did he came to be on this state?" **

"**They didn't say…some couple found him and they called the police….they thought he was dead already, you know?"**

"**How could that be? Who would do that to a child?"**

"**It's incredible how mean people can be…"**

"**And no one has came to visit him? No one at all?"**

"**The police said he may be from far away because no one seems to know him. They even published a picture on T.V., hoping that someone would know him, but that was months ago and no one ever came…"**

**The words seemed to be miles away from his pained mind. He spend like ten minutes listening to the conversation between the two women without giving it the importance it had. He couldn't understand what they said, though; his brain was still feeling lethargic from the comma state he had been the last months. He could listen to a variety of sounds…something that seemed like water, then the gossiping of the two women, and then a sound like that of people running everywhere. And a siren…**

Where has my heart gone?

An uneven tried for the real world

**But then, everything became clearer…and he realized he was actually hearing something…the torturing silence had gone away…and that's where he really woke up from his comma, and opened his red orbs to finally found out what was going on.**

Oh, I, I want to go back to

Believing in everything

And knowing nothing at all

**One of the women was still talking when the other one grabbed her arm and pointed at the now fully awake teenager. He thought they looked like nurses…and when he sat down on the bed he had been lying on, he could appreciate that he was in some kind of hospital room. The first woman, who seemed to recover faster from the shock, went out of the room murmuring something about calling the doctor, but the second one stayed and stared at the silver-haired teen in front of her.**

"**Where…where am I?" he heard his own weak voice saying. He gazed at the woman, like he was trying to get the answers out of her with his crimson eyes.**

"**In the hospital" the woman answered automatically. She seemed too surprised to say anything at all, so he was lucky that she had actually answered his question.**

"**What?…What happened? Why am I here?" He widened his eyes and starting scrutinizing the room like searching for something familiar. But when he tried to turn his head to face the wall behind him, he felt a pain so intense that made him close his eyes and fell to the bed. Physical pain…that could only mean something… "Am I alive?" he mumbled, eyes closed and his hands on his chest, where the pain was becoming stronger.**

I still remember the Sun

Always warm on my back

Somehow it seems colder now

**The nurse, because she was a nurse, didn't answered to his queries, because at that precise moment, a male doctor entered the room and started questioning him. **

"**Can you move your legs? Can you breathe normally? Do you know your name? What's the last you remember?" And he kept checking his vital signs, moving his finger in front of his red eyes, taping him in various places and asking "Does it hurt there?" so fast that the silver-haired couldn't have answered correctly even if he wanted to. **** When the doctor was finished convincing himself he wasn't talking to a dead body, he started questioning the teenage boy again. Now, he felt a lot more calmed and tried his best to answer the doctor.**

"**Do you remember your name?" the doctor stared at him, while the first nurse wrote everything down. He closed his eyes trying to remember… _my name….my name_…**

"**I…I do not know…" he confessed and buried his face in his hands. And then it hit him harder than a truck would have. "Shinji…" he whispered.**

"**Is Shinji your name?" the doctor was still staring at him, like x-raying him.**

"**No." the word left his lips firmly. "No…I think I'm Tabris…" but that wasn't true….he wasn't Tabris…not anymore…"I'm Kaworu. Kaworu Nagisa" he added resolutely. _Kaworu of the seashore?…who this boy really is?_ the nurse wondered…**

"**Ok." said the doctor, who seemed to be an infinitely patient person. "What's the last you remember?" he added some seconds later. The nurse was writing madly on a clipboard…he found that sound very amusing, but that was probably because it had been like ages since he had last heard something.**

"**Light. A lot of light" he said trying to remember more.**

**The nurse and the doctor exchanged looks that seemed to mean 'typical'. The nurse nodded with the professional expression of those who are used to hear everyday about staircases that lead to Heaven and of light-ending hallways.**

"**Am I on Tokyo-3?" Kaworu asked, his eyes wandering from the doctor to the nurse and back again to the doctor.**

"**Yes, you are…" the nurse answered this time. " Where you born here?" her voice had a light hope note, like she was trying to get more information about this pale boy. The doctor glared at her for the interruption, but she paid no attention to him.**

"**No…I used to live here…but I'm not from here…" his voice faded away, his only thoughts on a certain brunette. The nurse and the doctor didn't get the real meaning of Kaworu's words though… After a small exchange of opinions, they simply decided that it was better for him to rest and left him alone.**

Where has my heart gone?

Trapped in the eyes of a stranger

Oh, I, I want to go back to

Believing in everything

**Now Kaworu was astonished…Rest? Where those Lilims mad? He couldn't rest! Not now he had escaped from Hell. There was no way he could just lay there and wait for those baka Lilims to decide he was healed…**

**He reunited what was left of his strength and stood up. He dressed himself with some clothes he found in the room, even if he realized they weren't his clothes as soon as he tried them on, and he left the room straightforward. **

**Later he would found out by the Lilim's newspapers that he had been found on a lake, fully injured and naked. That a couple walking near the lake had spotted him and they had called the police when they thought he had drowned. And that from the moment he had been declared barely alive, he had spent six months in a comatose state, until the doctors had lost all hope of recovering…but the real truth hadn't paid him a visit yet…**

Where has my heart gone?

An uneven tried for the real world

Oh, I, I want to go back to

Believing in everything

Oh, where, where has my heart gone?

Trapped in the eyes of a stranger

Oh, I, I want to go back to

Believing in everything

**He tried his best to make his way to NERV's offices, as he remembered the right way to get there.**

_I_ _still remember…._

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	4. I'm Just Smaller Than My Feelings

**Fourth chapter now! I don't really care if someone is reding this... I'm enjoying myself anyway. If you're reading this, please review. Tell me if you like it, if you hate it, if you think I should go and kill myself, whatever. I'm also needing someone to proof read my chapters...**

**Disclaimer: OK this is getting boring. I don't own NGE. I don't own Evanescence's songs. **

**Remember this is Shounen Ai, if you don't like it, there's a beautiful cross button on the right top of this window...**

**"Spoken words", _thoughts_**

**Song used is "Imaginary" by Evanescence (again). Japanese words used are: "Gomen", as a short for Gomen Nasai, which means "Sorry", "Onegai" which means "please"**

**I'm just smaller than my feelings**

Paper flowers…

Paper flowers…

**Kaworu laid on his back on a partially bulldozed building's roof. He had been just resting his new human body against the cold construction for God knows how much time now… He only couldn't assume what had happened before he had sat down there.**

I linger in the doorway

Of alarm clock screaming monsters

Calling my name

**--------------------------------------------------flashback----------------------------------------------------**

**He had been walking his way around Tokyo-3,**** which was now brighter as ever and it was starting to look like a normal city. Kaworu could only stared dumbfounded as he walked through the now almost rebuilt city. The lights of Japan's first city followed him everywhere, and a dazzling moon hanging in the only hole the storm rain clouds had left seemed to smile to the people below it, through the small part of a totally black night sky showing itself despite the gray of the already mentioned stuffy clouds. Everyone's faces irradiated nothing but happiness -and a little bit of concern when they noticed the threatening clouds above them, like announcing the coming of the rain-, and some of them turned to see the teen as he passed them by. But, let's be honest, Kaworu did catch the gazes of the bystanders, wouldn't you turn to take a better look at him if he just happened to pass by your window? A pale, silver-haired, crimson-eyed boy, staring with a fascinated expression to everything he could lay his eyes on, so obviously enchanted by every single sound that reached his ears, and dressed in clothes that were obviously too big for him? I bet you will.**

Let me stay, where the wind will whisper to me

Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story

**Kaworu obviously knew that Shinji wasn't in Tokyo-3 anymore, because the fact that he himself was there was proof enough that the visions he had seen while imprisoned were totally true. And he had watched Shinji leave Miss Katsuragi's apartment. So he was sure he wasn't there anymore. But, then again, maybe he could find some information about where he could have been gone to. So half an hour after he escaped the hospital, a record time for someone who has spent years suffering the most mind-breaking punishments, he found himself staring at what used to be NERV's headquarters. **

**Used to be. There was nothing left there. Only an abandoned building.**

**Nothing…Kaworu now didn't know what to do. He thought about breaking into NERV's office. _I can't waste time on NERV's files, I have to find Shinji._ Something very strange had started burning inside him. Plus, every information that NERV could have on Shinji's whereabouts would have been erased now. But he thought that he could use some of the stuff he will surely found inside. And so he made up his mind and broke through the main door entering the place. **

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

**After walking through dozens of hallways in the dark he found the room that had been given to him for the only night he had spent there. He stayed in the doorway of his old room. The memories of his conversation with Shinji…the memories of the boy he loved fell on him and the fire burning on his insides somehow seemed to fill his entire body. The tears he hadn't know he had been holding now were flooding his eyes and going down his face silently. For a moment he just lingered there, trying to imagine Shinji's delicate features, his slim body, the sound of his steady breathing while he slept on the floor beside Kaworu's bed. After what seemed an eternity, Kaworu managed to get some of his things from the room and left with not even another glance at the room he had once shared with Shinji.**

**When he was outside NERV and had calmed himself enough, he decided to take his chances and try to figure out where Miss Katsuragi lived. **

**Now he just wished he hadn't. **

Don't say I'm out of touch

With this rampant chaos, your reality

**Finding Miss Katsuragi's apartment was incredibly difficult. He had asked people around but no one seemed to know nothing about her. A feeling of desertion had begun growing and growing inside his chest, and was now so heavy that he didn't know how long he could stand it. It was funny, though, that he had survived his time on Hell, but now he couldn't stand losing a minute of timethat could have been spent in running to wherever Shinji was. It feels better when your loved ones are impossible to reach than when they are near you and you still can't reach them.**

I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge

The nightmare I've built my own world to escape

**But then, when he was about to give up, when he really was about to fall down to his knees and give in to despair, he saw something, something so unreal he really rubbed his eyes twice until he was fully convinced that what he was seeing wasn't a mere mirage. A purple-haired woman, descending a car in front of him. That couldn't be…it was too much of a coincidence that the woman he was looking for just appeared to be there. Indeed, too much of a coincidence.**

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

**Kaworu couldn't help but to simply stare at her stupidly as she made her way out of her car. He expected her to look at him in disbelief, to start shouting, he even expected her to attack him…he, above everything, didn't expect her to ignore him at all like she did. Misato Katsuragi just passed him by like he didn't even exist and entered the store behind him. Kaworu was speechless, to say the least, but somehow managed to get his feet moving and followed Miss Katsuragi inside.**

**She seemed pretty normal…maybe there was something terribly sad on her eyes, but she seemed to be on the store to try to cover up those feelings. She had picked up six cans of beer already and was paying for them. By the ammount of beer she was buying, something was obviously wrong. Kaworu approached her fearfully. **

"**Miss Katsuragi?" he said tentatively, wishing with all his heart that she would answer, at least that would prove him she could see him.**

"**Mmh, yes?" she glanced down at the teenager. Apparently she wasn't surprised that the boy knew her name. Most likely she didn't care.**

"**You…you don't know who I am, do you?" Kaworu muttered with a tone of resignation in his silky voice. **

"**Gomen, dear, are you lost?" Misato answered him, with a motherly look on her features. **

_**She doesn't remember me…She doesn't remember me!**_

**Kaworu was now back in hopelessness. If she didn't remember him, that could only mean…**

"**Where's Shinji-kun?" he asked her when he decided he didn't care if she glared at him and yelled at him for ages and sent him to mind his own business. But Misato just stared at him, like he was some kind of strange bug. She seemed to be deciding what she would answer, until…**

"**I don't know who are you talking about" she snapped, but Kaworu's eyes read the lie very easily. _Why would she deny he knows him?_ Kaworu couldn't understand Misato's attitude towards him. _She probably misses him and doesn't want to be reminded that he has run away. Besides, she doesn't know me…she thinks I'm just a stranger…_**

"**Do not lie to me, I ought to find him. Onegai, Miss Katsuragi, help me locate Shinji-kun." Kaworu used his softer voice and tried his best to get Misato's help. "Onegai…" he added firmly, staring wide-eyed at the purple-haired woman that used to be Shinji's guardian. Misato just kept gazing through him, because she wasn't looking at him, but beyond him… she seemed rarely absent-minded.**

"**Gomen nasai. I wished I'd knew where he is." she said faintly, but then she saw the tears clinging to Kaworu's scarlet eyes and added encouragingly "But maybe you can find someone that remembers him in a station…I mean, someone must have recognized him…" She said that last sentence to herself, mostly, wondering why she hadn't think about that…_but now it can't be helped…it's been six month's now…_ she told herself, reassuringly. **

Swallowed up in the sounds of my screaming

Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights

Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming

The goddess of the imaginary light.

**And that had been how Kaworu had been left: alone, lost in the huge city and with no clues to Shinji's whereabouts. He had been also left with a dreadful thought in his mind…that Misato didn't know him…and that meant that….that meant Shinji….it just couldn't be.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------end of flashback-------------------------**--------------------------------------

**Kaworu kept staring at the grayish night sky. For some people, gray skies are sad and boring. They seem to bring the tears out of people, they remind you of those unending nights that you spend tossing and turning, they remind you of your own sorrow and loneliness. But for Kaworu, this one was beautiful and somehow he felt protected under it. He felt like the sky was some kind of defense barrier between him and Heaven. He hoped, innocently though, that the Almighty's eye couldn't lay itself on him through the storm clouds. He almost felt that the rain that was now falling on him could wash the torture he had suffered, the scars that remained on him, his condition of Fallen…**

**Kaworu lift himself up and headed to the train station where an assistant had promised him she would search the computers for any information on Shinji Ikari. But it wasn't like he held any hope at all. That word had lost meaning to him long ago.**

**He was disappointed, anyway, because the assistant had not only found records of Shinji Ikari traveling in that train's line. She had also found the day and destination of his trip, and gave that information to a very excited and uncontrollably shaking Kaworu. And he couldn't help it…he smiled.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Please review! Love yah all!**


	5. Hey, Do You Remember?

Chapter five! Finally! Can you believe it?

I'm so so so so sorry for those who wanted it sooner...it really couldn't happen...my laptop was broken and I sent this chapter to my proofreader as soon as I got the computer back...so please don't be mad at me !

Well, this chapter is dedicated to GirlInAllGreys and 94saturn, thanks for your support!

Disclaimer: I don't own NGE cus if I did...well, let's just say it wouldn't be a shounen anime. I also don't own Evanescence's song "Taking Over Me" (I repeat, I can sing it but I didn't wrote it). The title comes from BoA Kwon's "Jewel Song". It's the first line.

Warnings: this fic is YAOI, or at leats Shounen Ai, if you dislike relashionships between two boys, then go away or read and deal with it...

Japanese: boku wa I am. Gomen nasai Sorry Watashi I am Sensei teacher Arigato thanks bento as in 'bento lunch' that packed lunch that is so popular in Japan.

**'thoughts'**

**"spoken words"**

song

* * *

**Hey, do you remember? **

**Shinji hadn't realize how awfully late he was going to be. With all the remembering he had totally lost track of time. And time is mean it waits for you to forget about it and then soundly reminds you of its being, by moving faster and making you be late. Or it simply hangs on until you find yourself wishing it would stop, when you are in one of those moments that make life meaningful, so it can accelerate itself again, to make you feel those unforgettable occasions lasted a second.  
The brunette teen took a look at the now clear sky over him, and the fact that the sun was now higher than it usually was when Shinji walked to school alerted him that he was tardy. He paid a look at his watch and then started running towards the school. He had been wrong in guessing he was going to be late…he was already late. Ten minutes had gone by since the bell must haveannounced the beginning of the first lesson. He ran and ran, until he started feeling hot despite the cold morning air, until he started to sweat under his blue shirt, part of his new school's uniform. It had been raining madly last night it almost seemed that every angel from Heaven had poured their tears on Earth…  
'Angels….that's almost funny…' Shinji thought.  
He was trying not to slip on the wet concrete, but he could almost sense he was going to fall down in any moment.  
'Well, at least it's Thursday and my first class is with Daichi-san. And she's never on time…'  
When he had been running for almost ten blocks and he was already seeing the school building, the unavoidable happened. He slipped while stepping into a particularly big puddle and collided against someone, bringing them both to the ground in less than a second.  
…...**

You don't remember me  
But I remember you

**An Angel stood outside a building. His pale features showing an anxiety almost unbearable. His hands were placed casually in his gray pants pockets, but his fists were clenched to prevent his hands from trembling. A blonde middle aged woman was standing beside him. She was very short, and a big smile crossed her face while she talked about everything her new student will need to know. Kaworu, in the mean time, just pretended to listen to her, and nodded while he laid his eyes in the street in front of him. He had used his charming angel abilities to convince this woman to accept him in her school, no matter the school year had started months ago, and no matter no one had come with him as his legal guardian. Being an Angel, you know, also has its benefits.  
Kaworu had introduced himself as an emancipated teenager (and of course, he had brought official papers that proved it. How did he got them, no one would ever know) so there was no need to contact his parents.  
He had just asked the headmistress to join the group where Ikari-kun was. "I am acquainted with him from before, you know, and being a little reserved myself I wondered if I could be in his group so I would know him at least." and the headmistress had stared at him and only said "That would be lovely, Ikari is a very introverted kid. I hope you two can be friends. We could get him here to tell him an old friend has come to visit him." And Kaworu, smartly enough had avoided that, muttering that it wasn't probable that Ikari-kun remembered him, and that if she -the honorable principal of this great school- could keep the fact that he knew Ikari-kun from before to herself, he would be very much grateful. It was amazing how he was able to manipulate people, even if he was Fallen, he still had some of his Angel talents.  
So there he was now, standing outside the school with his new headmistress, waiting…**

I lay awake and try so hard  
Not to think of you

**"Oh.." he said, and the headmistress stopped her monologue. Apparently whatever she was telling Kaworu wasn't something you can answer with an 'oh'.  
"I think I have left several of my books at home. Would it be a problem if I went home to fetch them?" he politely added, staring at the headmistress with his piercing red orbs.  
"Er…" she seemed doubtful. Letting a student, especially a new one, go home to get some books wasn't her style, probably.  
"I promise I will not take long" he stated with a reassuring look in his eyes.  
The headmistress seemed to consider that for a moment, and given that the bell hadn't sound yet so school hadn't started, she answered:  
"Ok, I think there's no problem if you promise to comeback on time for class."  
"There is nothing to worry about, I will be back in a minute." Kaworu bowed to the headmistress and then left the school grounds. He hadn't forgotten any of his text books, but he was feeling rather sick being stuck in the school entrance, he just wanted to clear his head a bit, before he had to face Shinji. He couldn't do as promised, though.**

But who can decide what they dream?  
And dream I do?

**He was wandering in the still wet streets when someone bumped on him, making him lose stability and fall to the ground in consequence.  
When he had recovered himself from the shock, Kaworu tried to lift himself up, but sank to the ground again. He hadn't realized the other boy was now lying on top of him. His eyes examined the Lilim's head.  
His red orbs grew wide, pupils contracted so much that they almost disappeared, and his face got even paler when his eyes met chocolate brown hair, and after that a pair of the most beautiful midnight blue eyes.  
Shinji got up slowly, and then simply stared at the teen trapped below him. His eyes were a dark red, blood-like. His hair was a silvery gray and fell casually all over his eyes. An expression of sheer terror crossed his delicate and pale face.  
A single second, just a silent second passed by. Both teenagers stared at the other's eyes. Kaworu's face showed shock and something resembling fear. The brunette's face just showed confusion. A glorious second that made the Angel's hopes rise incredibly. But then...  
"Gomen nasai! Are you ok?" Shinji managed to say.  
What about this boy brought that feeling of sadness to him? Of sadness and calm at the same time? He lifted himself up and helped the other up. "Gomen nasai" he repeated. "I should have watched were I was going. It's all my fault" Only then he noticed that the other one was wearing his school's uniform.  
Kaworu was awfully stunned, he couldn't move a muscle, all he could do was lie on the wet sidewalk and fix his eyes on the figure standing in front of him. He had longed for this moment all morning, and the day before, and every second he had spent in Hell. But now, all he could do was stare at the Lilim and try his best not to throw himself on Shinji. And then as his mind slowly re-started functioning, the meaning of Shinji's words sank into him.  
'Shinji-kun doesn't remember me he doesn't know who I am…' He had prepared himself for this, he had been 99 sure Shinji wasn't going to remember him.  
Why? Why everyone acted like he had never existed? Was it some sick way of making him suffer even if he had escaped Hell? It probably was His doing, after all.  
But, then again, nothing could have prepared him for this… for this second where his last hope was killed.  
'Shinji-kun doesn't know me…'**

I believe in you  
I'd give up everything  
Just to find you

**Shinji, on the other hand, kept staring at the silver-haired boy. He didn't even bother on picking up his bag, or his schoolbooks that were now lying all over the sidewalk.  
"Shinji-kun…" the boy whispered almost inaudibly, probably more to himself than to Shinji. His voice was soothing, almost silky.  
"How do you know my name!?!?" Shinji's face was white with panic now. A horrible feeling of alarm started to grow inside him.  
'How does he know my name? Has he recognized me? It can't be!'  
He waited for an answer from the other boy, no matter how scared he was. What am I gonna do if he recognizes me? God, god, god…  
"I…I….It is on your schoolbooks, I guess" Kaworu tried his best to hide his emotions. He couldn't believe he had lost it so easily… but it had been all so sudden…  
"Oh" Shinji blushed at his unfounded fear…  
'I'm paranoid', He said to himself.  
"Gomen…It's just…You scared me." He turned his face to the ground in the exact moment, otherwise he would have noticed the tears running down Kaworu's cheeks.  
"It is all right…" Kaworu muttered and rubbed the tears out of his eyes. Shinji noticed that and stared dumbfounded at this mysterious boy.  
"Did I hurt you that bad?" Shinji said incredulously.  
"No!…no…I just…" Kaworu was starting to feel dizzy.  
"You're from my school, aren't you?" Shinji said. A stupid question, since he was wearing the same uniform as himself, he was definitely from Shinji's school. Kaworu nodded nervously. "How come I have never seen you there?" Shinji asked, while he picked up Kaworu's books and handle them to the boy.  
It was a funny scene, like they had switched roles. Kaworu was the nervous blushing one and Shinji was the easy going and chatty.  
"Arigato" Kaworu whispered as he took his books. "I have just moved in." he added. Shinji then, as he had been somehow taken from reality by the encounter with this mysterious boy, remembered he was terribly late and took the boy's arm.  
Kaworu flinched at Shinji's touch, as if the brunette's hand was burning him.  
"We are going to be late! We'd better hurry up." Shinji then grabbed his arm and forced Kaworu to move with him, heading to school.  
After running for three blocks, the both of them were passing the school's entrance doors and Kaworu found himself being guided by Shinji to their classroom. Then Shinji stopped, so suddenly that Kaworu bumped onto him, shivering at the contact with Shinji's body.  
"Gomen nasai" the silver-haired boy muttered. Shinji dismissed the apology with a wave of his hand and turned to face Kaworu.  
"I didn't ask which class were you in." Shinji said simply. Kaworu tried to remember…  
"3-b" he answered. The same class that Shinji was in. So he kept walking through the school corridors, closely followed by a silent Kaworu. When he was about to slide open the classroom door he said: "Oh, I still don't know your name..." Kaworu had just opened his mouth to answer, when a woman slid the door open and glared at them, indicating with her finger for them to enter the classroom.  
"You're late, Ikari." The woman's voice was soft and high pitched but her tone was a very authoritarian one. A thought suddenly occurred to Kaworu, that he'd better not piss this woman off. She turned her light blue eyes to Kaworu. "And you must be the new student, Nagisa" It wasn't a question, she was only stating that she knew who he was, and by her tone, that he wasn't going to get away with it. Kaworu didn't notice, but Shinji seemed to react somehow at the name of the crimson-eyed teen. Now Shinji was sure his boy reminded him of someone or something…but what was it, he couldn't say.  
"Gomen nasai, sensei Daichi." Shinji said bowing. "I promise it won't happen again. We fell down because of the rain and that delayed us." He lifted his blue eyes to face that ones of his sensei.  
"Ok, I'll let it pass only for this time. Now come in and take your sit." Shinji headed to an empty sit at the back of the classroom. "Not you, Nagisa." she added when Kaworu attempted to follow Shinji. "You'll have to introduce yourself."  
Kaworu gave a general look to the rest of the students, his eyes lying here and there. A group of people were standing at the end of the class, they seemed to be surrounding something that he later realized was a heater. As soon as Shinji had sat down, a brunette girl with short hair had greeted him and turned from her sit to chat with him. A very short girl was standing at the front of the class, her blonde hair reached her elbows. She had a look of modest self-sufficiency in her dark eyes and she was holding a bunch of papers.  
'She must be the class representative', Kaworu thought.  
He then laid his eyes in the rest of the students, meeting some curious faces staring at him, a little of them who seemed uninterested, two or three chatting between them, and a lot that didn't appear to notice that they had left their beds.  
The blonde teacher indicated him to stand beside the class rep. He stood there, and as he found Shinji looking at him, he let out a small smile for him, making Shinji go through several shades of red.  
The girl he had assumed to be the class rep looked over the class. "Minna-san, stand up, bow, greet our new classmate" she said mechanically. The sensei continued after the class had obeyed the class rep.  
"Well, girls and boys, this is Nagisa he'll be your classmate for the rest of the year. And you'd better be nice to him." She emphasized the last phrase with a glare at the whole classroom. "Behave properly, just for once" she added threateningly.  
A dark haired boy, that didn't look innocent at all, and that was sitting in the back of the classroom looked at the teacher with puppy eyes.  
"But, sensei, what are we supposed to do? You know that we are the most well-behaved and polite persons in the face of the Earth! 'Inappropriate behavior' is not even in our dictionaries" Kaworu had the feeling that this boy was exactly the opposite and that 'inappropriate behavior' was the first thing in his dictionary, but decided to laugh with the rest of the class at the joke.  
"Ok, Aizawa, now stop joking for God's sake" Kaworu cringed involuntarily at His name, almost like a scared child would when someone pronounced the name of his abusive father.  
The blonde sensei didn't notice or dismissed it because she kept talking. "So, Nagisa, tell us something about yourself, will you?" Kaworu stepped in the front of the class, his always enchanting smile lighting up his pale features, his persuasive red orbs staring to the students one by one. He bowed to the students before he started talking.  
"Watashi Nagisa Kaworu, I have just moved into the city…"he looked hesitantly at the sensei, who nodded at him, encouragingly. "There isn't a lot to say about me. I am 15 years old, like most of you. I enjoy reading and I love music, I play the violin, too." he finished and the class (which was now a bit more awake) stared at him.  
"Well" the sensei swept the class with her gaze. "Ask him whatever you want now. I don't want you interrupting the class a thousand times as always" she rolled her light blue eyes.  
It was awesome, the whole classroom started shooting questions to a dazzled Kaworu, any drowsiness they were feeling before was now gone. The sensei, though, didn't seem to be shocked nor scared, because she raised her voice over the noisy students and declared "One by one".  
"Were are you from?" A blonde short boy asked him first.  
"I was raised in Germany" Kaworu answered. It was true he had been raised in Germany by Seele's men. At least his human form was. "But I was born here, in Japan" Now, granted, that was a lie.  
"What brought you here, to Osaka?" a tall brown haired boy was speaking then. Kaworu faced him and shrugged.  
"I guess, I am here to recuperate something that was taken away from me" he answered lazily, and the whole class exchanged looks.  
"Where's your family? Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Now a girl with curly blonde hair was talking.  
"My siblings were taken during the Angel attacks" Kaworu lowered his eyes a bit. He could felt tears clinging in the corners of his eyes, not because he had been reminded of his siblings' deaths, but because he remembered how they had cursed him and asked for the worst punishment. "My father was…" he didn't know how to explain what had happened to Adam "he died in the Second impact." Well, that was also a lie, Adam didn't die in the Second Impact he caused it.  
The girl seemed taken aback by his answer, and muttered something that sounded like a 'gomen'. Kaworu looked up at her. "Do not be sorry. It was not your fault." he dedicated one of his cutest smiles to the girl, who turned bright red and seemed to develop a furious interest in her hands.  
"Enough questions for today, I guess…" the teacher said. Kaworu was amused by how informal the teacher was with her students, and how at the same time the students' attitude towards her was of respect and admiration.  
"Nagisa, why don't you take a seat? So that Akai" she pointed at the short girl in the front of the class "can finish with the tests." Kaworu searched the classroom for an empty seat.  
As he didn't found one, the teacher pointed at the short haired girl sitting in front of Shinji.  
"Yonamine, go get a desk for Nagisa and help him bring it in here" The girl rushed out the classroom and Kaworu followed her.  
"So", she tried, looking at him out of the corner of her dark eyes. "Are you Ikari's friend?" she dedicated a smile to him. An encouraging gesture to show friendliness and try to get the other talking.  
"We have just met in the way to school" Kaworu sighed. Then they entered an empty classroom and the girl grabbed a chair, while Kaworu picked a desk.  
"Oh, watashi Yonamine Mai" she blinked funnily and smiled to him a bit.  
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Yonamine-san" he offered a pale hand that she accepted joyfully. Kaworu decided that he liked that Lilim girl. She seemed to be Shinji's friend, anyway. Or at least she acted friendly enough towards him, which was something that Shinji needed desperately.  
"Oh, onegai, Nagisa-san, just call me Mai" her voice brought Kaworu back to reality.  
"Only if you call me Kaworu, Mai" he answered while they made their way back to their classroom.  
"It's a deal then" she told him just before they entered the classroom. The silver-haired thought it as a coincidence when she headed for the left end of the classroom and placed the chair in the spot behind Shinji. The girl in the front of the class was naming student after student and handling them some papers.  
"Konami" she would say in a bored voice, and the blonde girl that had asked Kaworu about his siblings would stand up and receive her test with a trembling hand.  
Mai turned around on her sit and started chatting with Shinji about the test. Well, actually, she was the one talking and all Shinji did was nod and let out a monosyllable from time to time.  
"Miyagi" this time it was a short brunette the one that stood up, pulling down her clothes.  
Mai turned from Shinji to Kaworu and talked to the last one.  
"Can you believe Ikari? He said he was failing and he's got an A+!" she was so happy that anyone would think she was the one getting the max grade.  
"Only 'cause you helped me studying" Shinji's voice faded a bit with every word. Mai just laughed and stepped in the front of the class to get her own test, a immaculate A+ as well.  
"She always does well in the exams" Shinji whispered more to himself than to Kaworu, but turning to take a better look of his new classmate. Kaworu almost jumped out of his seat with this sudden display of social interest from Shinji. His new life had obviously changed him.  
"Gomen nasai. For bumping into you earlier." The Angel said, smiling his soul out. The brunette simply flushed.  
"Oh, that was my fault." At least his mania of blaming himself for everything was still there. "And, by the way, boku wa Ikari Shinji" and he lowered his eyes a bit "But you already know that, don't you?"  
"Call me Kaworu, Ikari-kun" Kaworu crossed his arms on the table, the smile never leaving his face. His whole body was craving for Shinji now, for his touch. He wanted to hug Shinji so tight that he wouldn't be able to breathe, he wanted to kiss Shinji's lips forever. Maybe only to caress his hands… being so close to Shinji after he had thought he would never see him again was making Kaworu lose control of himself.**

I have to be with you  
To live, to breathe  
You're taking over me

**"Oh, call me Shinji, onegai, Kaworu-kun" he blushed even more while saying that, then turned to Mai, probably to hide his blushing from Kaworu. "The same for you, Mai". The girl smiled at him and nodded.  
The rest of the class passed by normally. A lot of jokes from Aizawa and another boy called Saito -who seemed to be the ones that brought fun into boring school days-, some randomly-made comments from Mai to both Kaworu and Shinji -whose anti social personality seemed to be a challenge for Mai, as if Shinji were her own personal mission in life-, innumerable lectures from sensei Daichi and without learning a damn thing. When the school bell announced the lunch break most of the students left the classroom and some students from other divisions came to reunite with the ones that remained. And there stood Kaworu, without the slightest idea of what he was supposed to do.  
"Ne, Nagisa, why don't you have lunch with us?" the short brunette girl called Miyagi addressed him. She waved a hand at two other girls behind her. She seemed the kind of person that is always organizing things for others to have fun. Kaworu doubted, and as he eyed Shinji, Miyagi added "Ikari, Yonamine, would you join us?" Mai refused with a wave of her hand.  
"I have to deal with some things, but Shinji will be glad to join you" she smiled at the glare she received from Shinji. Another attempt of making Shinji socialize with his classmates. Kaworu couldn't help but to grin.  
"Er, I…" Shinji's blue eyes stayed on Mai until she left the classroom.  
"I will not take no for an answer, Shinji-kun" Kaworu stated and took hold of Shinji's arm. Miyagi smiled to her two friends, one of them Kaworu recognized was Konami.**

Have you forgotten all I know?  
And all we had?

**The five of them sat down on the school grounds after they had wandered enough through the school, deciding which place would be better.  
"We didn't introduce ourselves yet, did we? Boku wa Miyagi Akina, but just call me Akina" the girl opened her lunch box and started eating.  
"Oh, boku wa Chikamoto Nami" the other brown haired smiled to Kaworu in an almost funny way. "As Aki-chan said, you can call me Nami"  
"You already know my name, I think. Boku wa Konami. Konami Yuri" Konami didn't smile to him as the other too had done, she probably was still feeling guilty for reminding Kaworu of his allegedly dead family. "You can call me Yuri, if you want to…" she was possibly offering him so only because she wanted him to forget about earlier. But Kaworu didn't care. He still didn't understand Lilims' fervent interest for people that were strangers to them.  
"It is nice to meet you, Akina, Nami, Yuri" Kaworu smiled back at them, turning to face each one as he named them. "And I beg you, just call me Kaworu."  
The three girls nodded and began unpacking their lunches and chatting between them. Kaworu glanced at Shinji, only to caught him gazing absently at him, like the brunette had began by staring shyly at him and was now so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realize he was still staring. However, he was abruptly brought back to reality when his blue eyes met Kaworu's red ones. He flushed almost instantly, only to become as red as the Angel's eyes as Kaworu offered him his best smile. **

You saw me mourning  
My love for you  
And touched my hand

**"So, Kaworu" Nami addressed him while she held her chopsticks with her right hand. "How come you ended up in our school?" Kaworu carefully considered the question before answering.  
"One could say, it was meant to be" An enigmatic smile now playing on his lips. Nami and Akina exchanged looks. Kaworu could easily read what they should be thinking. 'The boy has totally lost it' or more probably 'the boy should quit coke'.  
"You are quite eccentric, aren't you?" Nami replied, carefully measuring every word, and lifting a fine brow. Kaworu smiled even more.  
"You two arrived together today." Akina pointed graciously. She was surely craving to know if the lone Shinji had finally got out of his shell and engaged any form of social activities with another living being. She was talking to Kaworu but she indicated Shinji with a movement of her head.  
"That's just because I slipped and landed on Kaworu-kun" Shinji's voice barely reached the others' ears. He didn't sound insulted at the insinuation that their arrival had been suspicious, he also didn't show any kind of emotion, reminding Kaworu of the First Children, Ayanami Rei. The brunette's hands were entwined on his lap, and his eyes were glued to them as he spoke. Kaworu could almost felt as an arrow had pierced him through his heart; Shinji seemed as depressed as he had felt he was while watching him from Hell. His tone could have saddened the happiest person alive.  
Kaworu slowly reached out and placed a pale hand on Shinji's shoulder, who lifted his eyes to meet Kaworu's and blushed the reddest of his blushes.  
"That was not your fault at all, it was an accident." The Angel turned to face the girls, his hand never leaving Shinji's shoulder, but tightening his grip, enjoying the feeling of being able to touch Shinji once more.**

I knew you loved me then

**"Shinji-kun accompanied me in my way to school and he kindly offered to show me my new classroom" he explained. Nami seemed a bit shocked that Kaworu was already calling Shinji by his given name.  
"It was nothing…" Shinji said, and with a last stroke at the blue-eyed's shoulder, Kaworu drew his hand back. It was more difficult than it seemed, though, for Kaworu felt he was drawn to Shinji as if he were a powerful magnet and Kaworu himself nothing more than a weak nail.  
Akina giggled and gave a meaningful look to her two friends.  
"Ikari, you're too quiet, always listening to music and never talking to anybody" She kept smiling, but her smile was somehow a bit sad now. "And, by the way, we don't really know anything about you…tell us and your new friend" she indicated Kaworu, a mischievous expression lightening her features. "something about yourself. Like what do you like doing and that kind of stuff." Kaworu thought that Akina was a very talkative girl, it appeared she needed to be friends with everyone.  
Shinji's answer came in a lazy tone. Like he was somewhat bored of people's attempts of socializing with him.  
"Not much, really… I like reading from time to time and listening to music, as you said. I guess I spent most of my time thinking or just relaxing in a park near my home."  
"And what about your family? Where are them?" Akina had started her questioning and she wasn't likely to finish it before she had satiated her information appetite. Kaworu quickly found a way to change that subject.  
"And you, Akina, what kind of things do you enjoy doing?" And Shinji's family was totally forgotten. All they talked about after that was the girls' hobbies.  
Shinji, on the other hand, couldn't believe his ears. Had Kaworu's sudden change of subject been only a freaking coincidence?  
'It has to be. And still, I feel he somehow knew I didn't want to talk about that…I guess I'm still paranoid after all.'**

I look in the mirror and see your face  
If I look deep enough…

**After several minutes passed by, Shinji could hear the school bell announcing the end of the lunch break like it was some heavenly sound sent to free him from his kidnappers. Because that was how he felt whenever the girls or the boys tried to include him in their activities. He felt like he had been abducted by them, then put into a dark room and interrogated while a blinding lamp was headed to his eyes. He sighed at his own stupid thought and silently returned to their classroom, without even noticing the strange expression on Kaworu-kun's features while he was gazing at the brunette's back.****  
As soon as sensei Shirai had entered the classroom, Shinji pulled his textbook out from his bag and sighed. Its title, 'Physics 1' was all blurry and the book was still wet from his fall.  
'Baka me, I ruined my book.'  
Next, as abrupt as a lightning, he remembered something Kaworu-kun had said.**

So many things inside  
That just like you are taking over

**He began pulling book after book from his bag. After he had meticulously examined every one of them, he began pulling out everything he found inside his schoolbag, but the result was the same. Impossible… he turned around to gaze at Kaworu. He didn't understand… he returned his gaze to the latest notebook he had pulled out from his school bag. An odd sensation started flowing through him, like that one feels when standing in a dark and unknown room, and lays one's hand on the light's switch. The feeling of knowing that whatever lies on the dark could be worse than the darkness itself.**

I believe in you  
I'd give up everything just to find you

**There was no name in any of his textbooks, notebooks or any other thing. He had never written his name on them.**

I have to be with you  
To live, to breathe  
You're taking over me.**

* * *

**

Author's Note: all non Evangelion characters on this story are based on real people, only the names have been changed (to avoid getting the author killed). Shinji's classmates and teachers are real people, Asami Kawashi is partially based on my grandfather's personality.


	6. I Can Be All You Need

Alex's writting again...Well it's me, and here it is...chapter six for the rest of you.

PLEASE review, even if it's just to say it sucked.

Song is "I'm with you" by Avril Lavigne

Disclaimer: Shinji and Kaworu and co. are not mine, they belong to each other. And the rest of the carachters...wel they are my classmates and teachers so they don't belong to me either... :(

Japanese words...let's see, "ne" it's a japanese interjection, it's like "hey" Arigato means thank you, Baka is fool, Minna is everyone. Sensei means teacher...tell me if I forgot something!

**I can be all you need**

**Shinji gazed at the silver-haired teen sitting across him. It was a warm Sunday afternoon. What on Earth had gotten into him, Ikari Shinji, to accept an invitation from a complete stranger? Well, Kaworu was not a total stranger, Shinji had known him for four days now, but still four days weren't a lot of time. They had just met… **_**But, how could I say no? He seemed so excited about this…and who could possibly refuse anything to those eyes, anyway?**_** Shinji almost fell from his chair when he realized it had been him who had just thought that. **_**Okay, what was that, now? …well, nothing to worry about…I just happened to notice that Kaworu-kun has beautiful eyes…**_** He sighed and tried to dismiss the idea. **_**It's completely normal, and after all, who wouldn't notice that gorgeous crimson orbs? Oh…not again! I should just try and stop thinking so much for once…**_

"**Ne, Shinji-kun" Kaworu's narcotic voice brought Shinji back from the disaster of his own mind. He lifted his head and stared at the elder's face.**

"**mmm?" that was definitely all he could get himself to say.**

"**You appear to be deep in thought. Is there something you want to talk about?" Kaworu was concerned that Shinji wasn't telling him something. He didn't know why he had asked Shinji to go somewhere after school. He couldn't stop himself, he just wanted to spend every single minute he could around Shinji. Now he was back, he couldn't imagine himself without Shinji, not even for a second. Or for a millisecond. Or ever.**

"**Eh? I… actually there's something I want to ask you, Kaworu-kun" Shinji decided it was now or never. The doubt was eating him from the inside, he needed to know. "How did you know my name?" Shinji locked gazes with him. **

"**It was on your books." the Angel didn't sound nervous but chose staring at his drink, instead of staring at Shinji.**

"**It isn't" Shinji stated matter-of-factly. His eyes now piercing Kaworu. **

**Kaworu was now astonished…how was he going to explain that? He thought for a moment of telling Shinji the truth, but he was sure Shinji wouldn't believe him. And Kaworu was determined to win Shinji's heart now, he wasn't going to throw it all away for a simple question. But he couldn't lie to Shinji either. He just couldn't lie to him again.**

"**I must have heard it somewhere, then" He had got away in the best way he could. He smiled at Shinji once more, and he seemed satisfied with that answer, given that he didn't repeat the question. Just in case, Kaworu thought a change of subject was in order, anyway.**

"**Were you born here in Osaka, Shinji-kun?" the crimson-eyed inquired, brushing a silver lock out of his face. Kaworu had realized he loved to pronounce Shinji's name, so he added it every time he could when talking to him. Even now, that there were just the two of them, Kaworu enjoyed the warmth he felt every time he articulated Shinji's name, probably because he was still trying to convince himself that he was there, alive and talking to Shinji himself; he ignored the fact that it wasn't necessary for him to add Shinji's name, since they were alone and Shinji knew he was the one Kaworu was talking to.**

**Shinji seemed doubtful. Kaworu of course knew Shinji hadn't been born in Osaka, but he wanted to show Shinji that he could trust him. **

"**It is okay if you do not wish to tell me" Kaworu just stared trough the window in his left, avoiding eye-contact with Shinji.**

"**Oh, no! It's ok to me… I came here only six months ago" the brunette was expecting Kaworu to ask about where he had been before that, but Kaworu didn't. Instead of that he asked Shinji about his life in Osaka.**

**And that's how Shinji started to tell Kaworu about everything that had happened during those six months. He told Kaworu about his money problem and how Asami-san had rescued him and helped him. He also told Kaworu about how he had entered school, and when the elder asked if he could someday meet Asami-san, Shinji had told him about her trip to visit her sister and everything. **

**Then they had started talking about their classmates, now that Kaworu seemed to know them a bit more. **

"**They all seem good people." Kaworu had finally stated. "Don't you think, Shinji-kun?" he examined the fragile features of the boy sitting across him.**

"**Oh, they are. I believe they are the kind of people that teases others around, but also the first to come when you need them." No one could have ever put it better. Kaworu wondered for a second if it was some kind of human characteristic, the fact that Lilims were always so reluctant to admit they cared for their pairs. **_**They all live by the same rules, they do not show any kind of affection towards one another because they do not wish for pain and betrayal. By making fun of other's flaws, they try to hide theirs. And by acting with indifference they try to show themselves as strong persons. But when the true time comes, when they can see another person sad, a curious change operates in them: they become kind and offer they help. Probably because it makes them they feel stronger by contrast.**_

_**I will never be able to fully understand Lilims… **_**He was interrupted by the voice of the only one Lilim he truly cared about.**

"**Ne, Kaworu-kun? We should go now…it's getting dark." Shinji's exquisite blue eyes were now gazing through the window to the city out there. The most beautiful sunset bathed the city's buildings with traces of red and golden. Well, it wasn't the most beautiful sunset, that had been the one Kaworu -or Tabris- had been contemplating when he first saw Shinji, but of course Shinji wouldn't remember that.**

"**As you wish, Shinji-kun." Kaworu answered playfully. He got up and left some money on the table. Shinji immediately opened his mouth to protest.**

"**Don't" Kaworu replied Shinji's non spoken words. "I invited you" he smiled. Shinji just blushed a little. **

"**Ok, but I'll pay next time!" the brunette got up and followed Kaworu, who now was so happy that he could have give a bit of happiness to every sad person in the world and he would still have infinite happiness left for himself.**

"**So there is going to be a next time?" Kaworu spoke softly behind Shinji's back, almost in his ear. The other boy shivered involuntarily and all he could manage to do was to nod furiously. When he recovered from the surprise and was finally able to get rid of the cascade of odd sensations he was feeling, he realized his answer had been way too enthusiastic.**

"**Yes…I mean…why not?" Shinji tried his best to hide his blushing. Luckily for him, he was standing a few steps away from Kaworu and the other didn't notice anything.**

**They were now standing in the outside of the café and as Shinji turned around to say goodbye, Kaworu glanced dreamily at the reddish streets.**

"**Ne, Shinji-kun, it is almost dark now…do you live far from here?" Shinji's eyes wandered from the streets to his feet and back again. **_**Should I tell him? **_**Giving the other his address was to Shinji like giving the other the tools to visit him anytime he wanted. It was something he wasn't prepared to do yet. **_**For all I know about him he could be a NERV agent sent to kill me…**_** But of course, Shinji knew this wasn't the real reason. He trusted Kaworu, after three days of knowing the boy, he would have trusted Kaworu with his life. He just wasn't prepared to admit it. **

"**Only a bit…" Kaworu stared a him questioningly. **_**He obviously doesn't take a no for an answer…I guess I'm already sentenced. **_**"Maybe 10 or 15 blocks" Kaworu nodded and locked Shinji's gaze with his own. **

"**I'm walking you home" Kaworu stated. Shinji told himself that Kaworu had used the same tone one would use when stating one plus one equals two. Arguing was completely useless. But…Shinji was obstinate.**

"**It's not necessary! And if you come, by the time you get back to your place it will be tomorrow's morning" Shinji tried to convince the other boy with the joke. Despite his words, Shinji didn't want to go home alone and to have to say good-bye to Kaworu. "And you surely have more important things to do" there was a sad note in Shinji's voice, but Kaworu, nevertheless, smiled to him.**

"**I have nothing to do, and nothing is half as pleasant as your company" Shinji accepted there was no point in arguing now. **_**But, then again, how could someone say no to Kaworu-kun? He can be so charming. **_**Shinji again ignored that odd thought and started walking towards his home, focusing on anything he saw on the streets to ignore those strange ideas.**

"**Ne, Shinji-kun" They had been walking for 20 minutes in complete silence. Now they were passing by the park where Shinji had first met Asami. They were two blocks away from home.**

**Kaworu was now so obviously and intentionally whispering in Shinji's ear that the only thing left to the brunette to wonder about was the reason why. The blue-eyed felt Kaworu lower his head a bit and then again felt his warm breathing in his own ear. "Is this the park you mentioned?" He got even closer to the brunette, his long fingers tracing Shinji's shoulder as his lips brushed against Shinji's ear. After a short moment, that Shinji considered eternal and Kaworu regarded as extremely brief, the silver-haired stepped back slowly. **

**From the very first moment he realized how close Kaworu was to him, Shinji felt a wave of heat flew back him, leaving his mind completely blank and an awkward but pleasant feeling, dreamlike. He felt like he was going to pass out…right there, and let Kaworu catch him and held him. **_**Did I just thought that?!?!?!?!?!?!? **_**Shinji flushed even redder.**

**Kaworu, on the meanwhile, was amused, to say the least, by Shinji's reaction, and he didn't repeat the question that Shinji had forgotten he had been asked. The crimson-eyed sighed and kept walking. If Shinji couldn't think straight and was having a lot of trouble breathing, he obviously wasn't able to follow Kaworu. He simply stood there, eyes widened and cheeks burning. The angel stopped some feet ahead Shinji and stared at him over his shoulder, while he put his hands on his pockets, casually.**

Won't you take me by the hands?

Take me somewhere new?

"**Are you coming or not?" he smiled at the blue-eyed, who stared at him with a puzzled expression on his delicate features. It took several seconds for Shinji to understand the question before he nodded and followed the other boy.**

**After some uncomfortable and silent moments of walking, Shinji found himself staring at the front garden of Asami-san's house. Kaworu stared at the house, like examining it or more likely memorizing it.**

"**It's a beautiful place" the Angel approved. "Beautiful, indeed" He was right, Asami Kawashi's house was big, comfortable, warm and pleasant to look at. **

"**Oh…I guess it is…."Shinji looked down, fighting against the thought that had came to his mind. "Mmmm, Kaworu-kun….I was wondering if you…. I mean if you don't mind.." **_**What's happening with me? It's just a stupid question! Ask him, you baka! **_**" If you want to come in for a while" **_**There, see? Wasn't that difficult, was it? Baka me, baka me, baka me….**_

"**I would love to" Kaworu smiled charmingly to the younger boy. Shinji sighed and a light shade of pink colored his cheeks. He turned away and opened the front door. Kaworu found out Asami-san's house was exquisitely decorated, everything on the inside talking about a life free of money problems. Shinji removed his shoes and threw himself into a sofa. Kaworu copied and sat by Shinji's side, sending shivers down the brunette's spine, who sighed, angry with himself. **_**I'm acting like an idiot…but it's just that Kaworu-kun makes me so damn nervous…he acts so weird around me….why did he had to whisper in my ear like that ? Oh God….**_

**Shinji turned the TV on and the both of them spent like an hour, just watching TV and talking about anything to each other. Like frozen in time, two untouchable figures, fragile yet strong. Two lonely hearts, silencing for a moment the agonic screams of their shattered souls. One of them, as delicate as crystal, stained by the unforgiving pain of loneliness. The oher one, a hollow shadow of what once was a wise, mighty and magnificent child of Adam, a soul so tormented and destroyed that its owner had changed forever.**

_**Kaworu-kun is an enigma. He won't say where he is from, and no one seems to know it either. He speaks Japanese perfectly, but he was also outstanding in our English class. I need to know who he is, I need to know how he knew my name…I should ask sensei Daichi, there must be something about him in the school files…**_

I don't know who you are

But I, I'm with you

_**Shinji looks so tired…I should go now….But I can't. It's like a dream, being with him again…and he looks so cute when he is sleepy.**_

**Shinji yawned and felt sleep claimed him. Kaworu had been staring at him all the while and couldn't help a smile. Shinji's blue eyes closed finally after a minute of fighting, and he relaxed against the sofa. **

**Kaworu moved smoothly and turn the TV off. Then, silent as a shadow, he managed to accommodate Shinji on a more comfortable position on the sofa. The silver-haired pulled a blanket he got from one of the house's room over Shinji's sleeping form. He bent down near Shinji's face and contemplated the brunette's calm features with the look of an avid reader standing in front of the best of books. Kaworu reached out and stroked Shinji's cheek. **_**Is it destiny for you and me, my love? Will you ever get your memory back? **_**He kept caressing Shinji's face as a single tear slid down his own cheek. **_**Can I get your memory back? Can I make you love me? **_**The crimson-eyed drew his hand back to wipe the tears that silently made their way down his face. **

"**I will take care of you, Shinji. You shall never suffer again. Sleep, my love. I love you"**

**The angel kissed the brunette's cheek and left.**

I'm with you

I'm with you

**Shinji dreamt of Kaworu that night. He dreamt they were both on the seashore. That Kaworu was standing there, his feet and ankles bathed over and over again by the sea waves. That Kaworu looked so beautiful against the setting sun, it made him look so ethereal, like an angel.**

Looking for a place

**Next morning Shinji's cell phone's alarm went off pulling Shinji away from his peaceful dreams. The first he had had since he left Tokyo-3. He got up from the sofa, wondering how he had gotten there. He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth after he ate something for breakfast. He had a shower and pulled on his school uniform. When he was packing his lunch he remembered. **

"**GOD! I fell asleep last night! This is so embarrassing! Kaworu-kun's gonna be so mad at me!" He noticed he had been talking to himself and decided to apologize to the silver-haired as soon as he could. Shinji made his way to school as fast as humanly possible. He needed to apologize to Kaworu…He couldn't afford to lose his new friend so easily. Of course, anyone else would know that a friend doesn't hate one just because one happened to fall asleep. Hopefully they are a bit angry for a second and then they completely forget everything about it. But Shinji was predisposed to panic and thinking everybody hated him. While he entered school, a profound feeling overwhelmed him. He was angry with himself, he feared Kaworu's reaction, he hated himself for he ruined everything. He was terrified that he may had ruined it all. **

**Shinji had happened to care about the silver-haired enigma. He found Kaworu Nagisa's company pleasant, nice. He thought those red eyes were piercing, yet soothing. He believed he could never get tired of listening to that narcotic, silky voice. He wished time would stop while he stared at that dreamy smile. Despite the nervousness Kaworu seemed to cause on him, he felt at ease when around the boy. Like he was able to be himself, like he was certain that Kaworu would never hurt him. And now he was scared, scared that he could lose his new found friend, that he wasn't up to the task of having a friend. He didn't understand why Kaworu meant so much for him. All he knew was that Kaworu Nagisa, Asami Kawashi and his friend Mai Yonamine were the persons he cared the most in the world. They were the persons that cared for him. Losing any of them was something Shinji couldn't take. **

**In the precise moment he was about to slid open the door of classroom 3-b, sensei Daichi came out of nowhere and stared at a shocked Shinji. **

"**Ohayo, Ikari, you are almost late again!" She patted her watch with her forefinger's tip. **

"**Ohayo, sensei." Shinji replied "I think you…have made a mistake….we have class with Sensei Shirai now…" **

"**I know. But I have a message for the class." she said, matter-of-factly. **

**Then she slid open the door and entered the classroom followed by Shinji. Sensei Shirai, a young, tall and well-built man was copying something in the board as the students talked to each other. Shinji was waved enthusiastically by Mai, who was standing in the front of the classroom helping the sensei. The class rep, Akai, was there too, and her high pitched voice was heard as soon as Daichi entered the classroom.**

"**Minna-san, stand up." Akai wasn't like Hikari. She wasn't bossy and she didn't seem to enjoy her job as the class rep. If she had to look after the rest of the students while the teacher wasn't there, she was more than willing to let them do as they wished while she chatted with her friend Ashida. **

**The whole class stood up, bowed to sensei Daichi and then kept talking between them. Daichi made her way to Shirai and started talking to him.**

**Shinji's eyes immediately fell on Kaworu, who was now surrounded by Akina, Yuri and Nami, who seemed to be trying to engage on a conversation with him. Kaworu seemed worried and he wasn't listening to whatever he was asked. But as soon as he noticed Shinji, he pinned his crimson eyes on him, and his amazing smile lighten up his features. Shinji blushed almost instantly and sat down, glancing curiously at the three girls.**

Is anybody here I know?

"**Ohayo, Shinji-kun" Kaworu softened his voice even more than usual. It wasn't ironic, for Shinji's relief. But then again, Kaworu was such a nice person, he would have never been ironic. Something as mean as irony didn't fit him.**

"**Ohayo, Kaworu-kun" Shinji said, nervously. "Gomen nasai, I didn't mean to fall asleep last night…" his blue eyes laid on his feet, so he didn't notice the three pair of inquiring eyes that were piercing him.**

"**So, you two were having a sleepover last night.." Akina commented casually, though her voice sounded forced. Kaworu turned to her and smiled. **

"**Not really." He sounded regretful, like he would have rather said 'unfortunately we didn't'. Akina lightly blushed as the crimson-eyed continued smiling at her. "We were watching television at Shinji-kun's home, and he fell asleep" Shinji felt as embarrassed as a person could be and apologized again.**

'Cause nothing's going right

"**Oh, onegai, Shinji-kun. It was my fault, I shouldn't have kept you awake." Kaworu's voice sounded casual and distant. He seemed to be in a constant state of daydreaming.**

"**So, it's okay? Aren't you mad at me?" Shinji asked timidly.**

"**Shinji-kun, how could I?" Kaworu smiled at Shinji with that unique, comforting smile of his. That smile that seemed to take away all traces of sadness and concern. And for a second, everything was right in the world for Shinji. **

"**Minna-san, sit down and be quiet" Akai's voice rose again and the students slowly obeyed her.**

"**Well, girls and boys" Daichi was talking now. "There's gonna be a trip tomorrow. I need you to bring your parents authorization and the money needed for transport. Everything else you need to know is there" She pointed at some papers Akai was already handling the students.**

**Sensei Daichi was known to be a practical woman. She gave her message, she gave them the papers with the information and she was gone.**

**At the hundreds of questions that tormented the students' minds, sensei Shirai gave a basic explanation of the next day activities.**

" **Well, the school authorities have noticed that you need a break, so they decided it was a good idea to take you all out on a trip. The rest of the school is also doing this excursion, but they won't be going tomorrow. You are too many people for us to handle." The sensei smiled and Shinji thought that it really was the school authorities who needed a break from their students. " We are going to the countryside, to a camping place. Yes, 'we' means I'm coming with you. We are to leave from here at 8 o'clock, so don't be late. You don't have to come dressed in your uniform, so bring whatever clothes you like. Bring some lunch, too. We we'll be coming back to the city at 5 p.m."**

**The students started an excited chat about how the next day was gonna be. Kaworu thought that, by how enthusiastic they were about it, they had probably never been taking on a trip like this. **

"**I bet they are leaving us in the middle of a forest, so they will never have to see us again" a boy called Bandai said dramatically.**

"**Don't be baka, they are obviously putting a bomb inside the bus. They'll wait for us to be inside it and then….BOOM! Sayounara, students!" This time another boy, Deushi, spoke.**

"**No, no…that would be so nice of them. I think they will be poisoning our food while we are sitting innocently on the bus." This time, a tall boy called Godai was describing the disaster.**

"**Oh, shut up, this is going to be so much fun!" Ahida, a blonde girl, said smiling enthusiastically.**

"**I should bring my CD player!" Gobu, a blonde short boy spoke.**

"**Okazaki!, Bring your card game!" The boy called Ri shouted to the already mentioned Okazaki.**

And everything's a mess

**Shinji didn't share the class' enthusiasm. Asami-san wasn't home, so he didn't have anyone to ask for permission. And no authorization meant no trip. Not that he was craving for the outing, but if Kaworu-kun was coming, then it couldn't be that bad. Suddenly Mai was back on her seat and talking to him.**

"**So, Shinji, are you coming or what?" she said as happy as ever. **

"**I don't think so. I'd love to, but my granny isn't home and I can't get her permission." Shinji's voice of boredom contrasted with Mai's always joyful tone. **_**I wonder if this girl has ever had a problem in her entire life…**_

"**That's a shame!" she said, truly sorry. Her smile didn't fade, though.**

"**What about you, Kaworu?" she turned to the silver-haired.**

"**I am not sure" Kaworu's answer was short. He seemed disappointed.**

"**Shinji, if you tell Daichi-san I'm sure she'll understand." Mai turned to the brunette, placing her chin between her hands thoughtfully. "You call your granny, tell her to call Daichi-san and they arrange the rest." **

_**If she had any problem I'm sure she would have solved it just like that. Bt she's right, Daichi-san is the school's vice headmistress, and she is a personal friend of Sasaki-san, the headmistress. I'll ask her during lunch break…**_

"**You are right. I'll ask her. Arigato, Mai." Shinji smiled at the chance he was given to enjoy his first school trip. Mai turned to Kaworu.**

"**See? He's coming, so you go get your authorization signed and come tomorrow" Mai winked at Kaworu, who blushed lightly. "Nothing to worry about!" Shinji blushed furiously when she stared at him, smiling. Then she turned to sensei Shirai and answered whatever he had just asked the class.**

"**The answer to that will be zero, sensei, because while displacing through an equipotent line…" And Shinji lost all interest on the rest of the physics class.**

And no one likes to be alone

**After that, sensei Shirai told them to gather in groups of 3 or 4 students to work on some exercises. Akina, Yuri and Nami stood up in a second, but they were disappointed since Mai had already pushed her desk against Shinji's and Kaworu was helping her with his own desk. The three girls sat down again, quite frustrated.**

**Since Mai was a great student, Shinji himself wasn't bad at physics and they had an Angel in their working group, they solved the exercises in less than expected. Kaworu handled the paper with the answers to the sensei, and stayed by Shirai-san's desk while he checked the exercises. Since Kaworu was out of the hearing range, Mai spoke.**

"**Kaworu is a very good-looking boy" Shinji, who had been staring at Kaworu absent minded, nodded to the girl's statement without even thinking what he was doing. He then blushed when he realized what he ahd just done.**

"**So what?" He sounded more rude than he meant to.**

"**He has breath-taking eyes. Don't you agree?" Mai seemed to be talking about the weather, not a single expression in her face. **

"**What's that supposed to mean?" Shinji demanded.**

"**Oh, I think you should hurry. Miyagi is going to take advantage of that if you don't act soon, Shinji" she took out her color pencils and started drawing something in her physics notebook.**

"**Miyagi? Akina? She will what?" Shinji truly hadn't got a clue of what she was talking about.**

"**With Kaworu, Shinji, you should do something before she does." Mai stared at him and lowered her voice to a whisper.**

"**What?!?!?" **

**At that moment Kaworu was back and sat down between them. Of course Mai didn't know, but an Angel's hearing was a lot better than a human's. **

"**They are all perfect" he stated pointing at the paper with the exercises. **

"**That's great!" Mai said. "Shinji, you should go talk to Daichi-san now, since we've got so many time left." She had just switched her expression totally. No hints were left of what she had been telling Shinji before.**

**Shinji could only said it was a great idea and he left the classroom after asking Shirai-san for permission. **

"**He likes you" Mai was still drawing and she didn't even look at Kaworu while she spoke. Kaworu said nothing. "But you love him." Mai added finally. She spoke calmly, like she was stating something everybody already knew.**

"**Do you wish a confirmation to your guessing?" Kaworu recovered from the shock that Mai had cause with her statement faster than expected. **

"**I don't need no confirmation. I wasn't guessing, it's the truth." she smiled to herself. Kaworu smiled too. **

"**You are a talented observer, Mai"**

"**Ikari, is everything alright?" Daichi looked up as soon as she saw Shinji entering her office. Since Shinji was the kind of student that sits on the back of the classroom and is silent all day long, the woman couldn't believe he had been sent to see her. Shinji sighed and took a sit before explaining his problem to Daichi-san. **

"**Yonamine is right. If you tell Kawashi-san to call me, I'll get her authorization verbally. Better yet, you give me her number and I'll call her." Daichi-san examined her student as Shinji wrote a number down for her.**

**Shinji stood up and stared at his feet, wondering if it was the right moment to ask her. The woman noticed his unease.**

"**Something else, Ikari? I feel there's something else you want to talk about." She pointed at the chair Shinji had just left, indicating him to take a sit. Shinji obeyed.**

"**Well, actually, there's something else" Shinji didn't even know what he was doing in telling this to Daichi-san, but he needed to talk to someone and the woman was probably his best option.**

"**Tell me, Ikari, I'll see what I can do" Daichi smiled motherly to him and Shinji decided to speak now and worry later.**

"**Well, it's about the new student, Nagisa…" Shinji broke off, not knowing how to explain it. Daichi on the other hand, held her breath. Since the moment Kaworu Nagisa had entered the school she was feeling a bit uncomfortable. She had noticed how the silver-haired was always around Shinji, and when Shinji said he had a problem concerning Kaworu, she thought it was what she had expected. She let out her breath.**

"**Is he been….bothering you?" She carefully chose the words.**

"**Oh…no, he…he is always nice to me…" Shinji smiled and stared at his hands. Daichi didn't notice he was blushing. Well, in some ways Kaworu had troubled Shinji. But in the sweetest way one could be troubled.**

Oh, why is everything so confusing!

"**If he's been doing things you wished he didn't…" Daichi started but Shinji looked up at her incredulously.**

"**Oh, no! It's not that…I'm just worried because… do you remember we came I together on his first day?" Daichi nodded. "Well, he knew my name before I told him. My first name" the woman in front of him sighed in relief. "He said he had seen it on my schoolbooks…"**

"**Then what's the problem?" Daichi was so relieved now that she could have stood up and danced on top of her desk. Nevertheless, she decided it was wiser not to do so. **

"**Er, my name is not on my books." Shinji spoke nervously, almost desperately. Daichi was startled.**

Maybe I'm just out of my mind

"**All I know, Ikari, is what he said to Kei-san, I mean to Sasaki-san." the teacher seemed reluctant to give away any information. "But I think it's wiser not to repeat it." she failed at trying to sound definitive. **

"**Onegai, sensei.." Shinji begged. He was so scared of what Daichi could tell him…What if Kaworu was a Nerv agent sent to found him? What if Seele had sent him to find Shinji? After all, he was only addressed as 'Shinji-kun' while he worked in Nerv…and that was what Kaworu had called him the first time he saw him. **

"**Well….Nagisa asked her to be in the school personally. It was more or less like you, he didn't have anyone left in the world, but he wanted to keep studying. He said he was emancipated, so he didn't need a legal guardian" She stared at Shinji for a long moment, unsure of whether she should tell Shinji the rest. **_**What the Hell, if the Nagisa boy lied, Ikari needs to know…**_** "He was very insistent on the fact that he wanted to be I the same class as you." Shinji stared wide-eyed to his sensei. **_**It can't be…It can't be**_

"**What? He… What did he say?" The brunette could feel the tears forming on his eyes.**

"**His exact words were that he was an old friend of yours. He said he wanted to be in your class because he would feel a lot more comfortable if he was with the only one he knew. Bu then, we tried to get you in the office to let you know he was here and he refused. He said it wasn't probably that you would remember him. Which, now I think about it, doesn't make any sense. If you didn't remember him, why would he want to be in your class? And he didn't seem shy at all to me…" Daichi lost herself in her thoughts, wondering how she hadn't notice that before.**

"**I didn't know him! I didn't!" Shinji's eyes were flooding now. The feeling of the unknown, and the fear of being forced out of his normal life was too much for him to bear. "He lied to you! I know I would have remembered someone like him!" **

"**He may have recognized you" Daichi said matter-of-factly, more to herself than to Shinji. **

"**Recognized me?!" Shinji stared at her again. **

"**Well, he could be from Tokyo-3 too." Now she was clearly talking to Shinji, and she fixed her eyes to him as she ended the sentence "Everybody in Tokyo-3 knows who the Third Child is."**


	7. A Calling From Above

So here I am, again, with another chapter...I'm sorry if it has too many mistakes, kay? And if you found some, please let me know, it doesn't bother me, it actually helps a lot.

I guess I must explain the japanese words first: title -san and -kun are used for people to whom you owe respect. San is usually for older people or peope your same age, like teachers and classmates. Kun is usually for younger people that you admire and love, or for older people that you admire and love. The title -chan is used for younger people or people who you truly love, as your children, grandchildren, friends, husband, wife. Arigato, means thanks. Onegai, means please. Sayounara means goodbye. Damare, means shut up. And baka means stupid.

Diclaimer: I do not own NGE, nor do I own Shinji or Kaworu. No one could ever bear to possess such amount of beauty. The song used in this chapter is "We Shout" by t.A.T.u.

Warning: this fanfic is Yaoi, meaning Boy's love...meaning a boy loving another boy... If you have a problem with that, I strongly suggest you don't read it... I don't care about flaming and homophobes... but try not to insult gay people on the face of a lesbian writter!

One thing I want to add and I never have time to... Shinji spent two months or so at Tokyo-3 after Kaworu's death, before running away to Osaka, where he has been living for six months. In the meanwhie, Kaworu was in Hell. He spent an Eternity in Hell, since he died until he came back, because (even if it was eight months in Earth) time in Hell is different from time on Earth. Just because I say so. That's all.

This chapter is dedicated to all my readers, and specially for my reviewers! I love you all!

Off with the story!

**Here is chapter number seven corrected. A big big THANK YOU for Lord Saturn! I LOVE YOUUUUU!!! Thanks for proofreading this!**

**A Calling From Above**

_I will forget my dreams_

_Nothing is what it seems_

"_**So are you going or not? What did sensei Daichi say?" Shinji heard the voice like he was underwater. **_

_**She knew…Daichi-san knew…**_

_**Shinji kept walking, with his bag hanging on his left shoulder. **_

_**Kaworu grabbed Shinji**__**'**__**s shoulder softly and half-turned the boy to face him. Shinji gave into Kaworu**__**'**__**s strength and moved like a puppet, facing Kaworu with swollen eyes and fear on his now whitened features.**_

_**Kaworu had insisted on walking Shinji home, despite the cool weather. There was a light breeze when they left school, but now it was becoming stronger and it chilled them to the bone. Shinji had tried by all means to dissuade Kaworu but as with every other attempt at argument with the Angel, this one had also been useless**_

_I will affect you_

_**Kaworu shook Shinji lightly by the shoulder. **_

"_**Shinji-kun, are you alright? You seem distant" Kaworu asked him with concern.**_

_**And as Shinji noticed his intentions were honest, he thought to himself. He cares for me…I know he does. **_

"_**You look pale? Are you feeling ill?" Shinji only stared back, unable to move or to say anything.**_

_**Kaworu placed the back of his hand on Shinji**__**'**__**s forehead, brushing back the younger boy**__**'**__**s chocolate brown locks and sending shivers down Shinji**__**'**__**s spine. He flinched, almost unnoticeable at the Angel**__**'**__**s touch. **_

_I will protect you_

"_**You are not hot, rather, somewhat colder." Kaworu slid his hand from Shinji'**__**s forehead to his cheek. He couldn**__**'**__**t help himself, and he felt rather sad when the blue-eyed boy stepped back, breaking the contact with him.**_

_**Shinji decided to pretend everything was fine, until he could learn some more about the boy in front of him. Until he could figure out exactly how he felt about him.**_

_From all the crazy schemes_

"_**Oh, no…I'**__**m okay, Kaworu-kun…nothing to worry about!" he said, a lot more enthusiastically than he had initially wanted to. "It**__**'**__**s probably just the weather" he added more calmly. **_

"_**If you say so…" Kaworu obviously didn'**__**t believe him. "It is cold, you are right" **_

_**He seemed to have just noticed the freezing temperature himself. The silver-haired young man took off his gray school jacket and placed it on Shinji**__**'**__**s shoulders. **_

"_**Is that better?" he asked smiling.**_

"_**Oh, yes, arigato…" Shinji murmured and looked away. **_

_**They kept walking through the city**__**'**__**s dark streets in silence. The sullen storm clouds above them made the afternoon even colder. Without the tender embrace of the Sun, Shinji felt saddened. Like a lot of people, the weather affected his mood deeply. **_

_**The brunette glanced at the silver-haired teen walking silently beside him and wondered just for a second, what it would be like to be protected by those strong arms, to be lost in Kaworu-kun**__**'**__**s tender embrace…**_

_**Suddenly, a girl yelled and shook him out of his daydreaming. "Hey, look at that!"**_

_**For some mysterious reason, both Shinji and Kaworu turned around to see what the girl was pointing out to her friend.**_

"_**What'**__**s that?" Asked the other girl, who must have been eleven years old, and sounded even more disturbed. Almost every eye landed on the spot she was pointing at. **_

_**What made it more frightening, in Shinji**__**'**__**s opinion, was that it seemed too perfect. In the middle of the thick clouds, there was a perfect round hole. It looked as it was at least a mile away from them. The sunlight went through it and fell on the city, almost like a spotlight in a theatre. It looked unnatural.**_

_**Kaworu had also spotted the light. At the very moment the girl had spoke, he had felt a pressure on his chest. He now watched the light, waiting and holding his breath. And then he heard it.**_

"…_**..Tabris….." **_

_**With widened eyes he looked in every direction. The people around him were commenting about the strange phenomenon before them. No one had heard the voice except Kaworu. **_

_**At that exact moment, the hole on the clouds started moving. Not the slow movement of a cloud when the wind carries it. No, this was different, the movement was intentional and fast. And it came directly towards Kaworu.**_

"…_**..Tabris……"**_

_**The voice in his head became louder. They were looking for him. And they had found him. **_

_You traded in your wings_

_**All Kaworu could think about now was getting out of there. They were going to catch him and…he didn**__**'**__**t want to think about what was going to happen to him when they did. **_

"…_**..TABRIS…….." **_

_**The voice became even louder, but still sounded like a whisper. As if someone had recorded a whisper and then played it too loud.**_

_**Kaworu**__**'**__**s head was aching and he felt crushed by an invisible force. He recovered in a second from the shock and did he only thing he could do. He grabbed Shinji**__**'**__**s wrist and ran. He tried to avoid the cylinder of light by running perpendicularly to its original direction. But it was useless, the light redirected itself and started following a desperate Kaworu and a shocked Shinji.**_

_For everything freedom brings_

"……_**Tabris……running away is useless….."**_

_**Kaworu was in panic, he was panting and his whole body had gone, if possible, even paler. Shinji nearly fell more than once, but that didn**__**'**__**t slow Kaworu**__**'**__**s pace. He tightened his grip on Shinji**__**'**__**s wrist so hard that the brunette**__**'**__**s fingers went numb. **_

"_**Kaworu-kun! What are you doing?!?" Shinji screamed in pain and exhaustion.**_

_**Kaworu didn**__**'**__**t turn around, he simply quickened his pace, forcing Shinji to follow him.**_

"_**Run, Shinji-kun, RUN!"**__** Kaworu**__**'**__**s voice sounded so terrified and desperate that it scared Shinji. He obeyed -well, it wasn**__**'**__**t as if he had any option- and ran as fast as he could. But, Shinji didn**__**'**__**t have an Angel**__**'**__**s energy, and after a minute or so, he couldn**__**'**__**t keep going.**_

"_**I can'**__**t! Stop! You**__**'**__**re hurting me, I can**__**'**__**t go on!" Shinji stopped and fell to his knees. **_

_**Kaworu did turn around this time, eyes widening in sheer terror as he noticed how close the light was now. Shinji was panting.**_

_You never left me_

"_**Shinji-kun! Stand up!" Kaworu'**__**s arms wrapped around Shinji**__**'**__**s body. **_

_**He didn**__**'**__**t wait for an answer. With an incredible strength for such a slender figure he picked Shinji up and carried him into the closest alley he could find. And all in only a second.**_

_**Inside the alley, Kaworu crouched and pressed himself against the wall, pinning Shinji with his arms, legs and whole body. Shinji tried to lift his head to see what was happening but Kaworu held him tighter and whispered on his ear.**_

"_**Shinji-kun…close your eyes….Onegai…trust me, close your eyes" **_

_**Shinji found himself doing as Kaworu instructed. He closed his eyes fiercely and let Kaworu**__**'**__**s embrace protect him from whatever it was out to get them. Kaworu stayed still as the light passed only a feet away from where they were hiding. **_

_**He kept hearing his name until the light was far away. When he finally felt safe, or at least safer, he released Shinji and rested his own back against the cold wall. The brunette slowly faced Kaworu.**_

"_**What was that? Why did we have to run like that?" He questioned and pierced Kaworu with his blue eyes. **_

_**The Angel stared back and watched Shinji**__**'**__**s shocked expression as tears flooded his scarlet eyes. **_

"_**Are you ok, Kaworu-kun?" **_

_**Kaworu reached out to Shinji**__**'**__**s face and stroked the brunette**__**'**__**s cheek, quite like he had done the night before, enjoying every moment he could touch Shinji. The Angel**__**'**__**s touch was sweet, feather-like and gentle. Shinji just couldn**__**'**__**t manage to pull away as he had done earlier. Instead, he started crying too. **_

_You never let me _

_See what this feeling means_

_**The silver-haired boy wiped away Shinji**__**'**__**s tears. **_

"_**It doesn'**__**t matter. What matters is that we are fine. That you are fine." **_

_**With that he embraced Shinji with his arms and held him as tight as he could without hurting him. **_

"_**I was so afraid, Shinji-kun" Kaworu whispered between his tears. "I was so afraid of losing you" **_

_**Shinji slid his hands to Kaworu**__**'**__**s back, and returned his affectionate hug.**_

_Everything that you feel_

_Is everything that I feel_

_So when we dream…we shout._

………………………………

_**What**__**'**__**s going on with me? What happened today? What was that…that light? And Kaworu-kun acted so….so unlike himself! And he said he was afraid of losing me?… Why?**_

_**Shinji**__**'**__**s train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing. He got out of the bathtub, without even bothering on putting a towel around himself. **_

_**Dripping wet. "Coming!" he said to no one. He picked up the phone and spoke. "Kawashi residence" **_

"_**Shin-chan! I hope I didn'**__**t wake you up!" The old woman**__**'**__**s soft voice sounded almost out of place in the middle of Shinji**__**'**__**s confusion.**_

"_**No, you didn'**__**t, Asami-san! It**__**'**__**s so good to hear your voice again" He missed the old lady so much, even though it had been only a week since she left. **_

"_**I miss you too, Shin-chan. I had forgotten how boring all these old people can be!" she chuckled "how'**__**s school?" **_

"_**Oh, It'**__**s fine." Shinji smiled. "We have a new classmate" How could he be sad with this woman in his life?**_

"_**I'**__**ve spoken with your sensei, she says it**__**'**__**s ok if you go to the trip. So enjoy, Shin-chan!" **_

_**Shinji sighed. He had forgotten about the trip. **_

"_**Is everything ok?" Asami-san seemed to notice something was bothering him.**_

"_**Oh, it'**__**s just about the new classmate…he**__**'**__**s got me a bit worried" Shinji looked down and sighed again.**_

"_**Really, why?" Asami'**__**s voice was serious and flat. Shinji had the feeling that Daichi-san and Asami had talked of more than just the trip. **_

"_**We'**__**ve become friends, but he acts weird sometimes…" Shinji decided he didn**__**'**__**t know how to explain it so he decided to leave it a that. "It**__**'**__**s probably nothing" **_

_**Asami was silent.**_

_You say it__'__s so complex_

"_**Shin-chan, why don'**__**t you ask Kaworu to join us for dinner this Saturday?" Asami tried to sound casual, but her concern was obvious. **_

_**Shinji noticed that he hadn**__**'**__**t told her Kaworu**__**'**__**s name. **_

"_**I'**__**ll be home this Thursday"**_

"_**You'**__**ll be home on Thursday? Weren**__**'**__**t you staying until next Monday?" **_

_**Shinji decided to ignore her offer of asking Kaworu to come. He couldn**__**'**__**t bare it if Asami didn**__**'**__**t like Kaworu, even though it was very unlikely. **_

_**Kaworu-kun is lovely, there**__**'**__**s no way anyone could dislike him…**_

_Passion can pass for less_

"_**I was, but the philharmonic is playing in Osaka this Friday and there'**__**s no chance in the world that I will miss it." Her voice was joyful again. She spoke about classical music in the same way a teenager speaks of their favorite rock band. She had at least a hundred classical music CDs. **_

"_**Oh, that'**__**s great! I**__**'**__**ll see you on Thursday then!" **_

_**Shinji heard the doorbell ringing.**_

"_**Don'**__**t play silly with me, Shin-chan! Ask Kaworu to come on Saturday! Or better yet, ask him to come on Friday for dinner, and if he likes the idea, he can come with us to the concert." **_

_**It sounded like a command. Perhaps because it was one.**_

"_**Ok, I will, don'**__**t worry. Sayounara, Asami-san!" **_

_**The doorbell rang a second time.**_

"_**Sayounara, Shin-chan, take care" Shinji smiled and hung the phone. **_

_**He hurried towards the door. Who could it be this late? The clock announced it was 10 p.m. already. Shinji stopped when he was about to open the door. He was still naked.**_

_**Laughing hard at the idea of almost opening the door to a complete stranger, completely naked and completely wet, he grabbed a towel from the bathroom and put it around his waist then half-opened the door. **_

_**He was surprised to see Mai standing outside. **_

"_**Shinji, I'**__**m sorry about the hour…I need to talk to you" She wasn**__**'**__**t smiling.**_

"_**Ok, just give me a minute to put something on" Shinji answered.**_

"_**You are undressed? Is this a bad time? I can comeback later…Is Kaworu with you?" the girl widened her brown eyes and seemed to be willing to hang herself if he answered yes to the last question. **_

_**Shinji sighed. I wonder why, did she bring Kaworu-kun into the conversation when I said I was naked… **_

"_**No, I was taking a bath actually. And before you ask, no, Kaworu-kun is not waiting for me in the bathtub." He heard the girl laughing as he went to his room to put some clothes on. **_

"_**I'**__**m sorry to hear that, but I guess your regret is bigger than mine" she answered playfully.**_

_**After a minute, Shinji reappeared and let her in. He was still pulling a t-shirt over his head when they both sat on the sofa. The same one Shinji had fallen asleep on the night before.**_

"_**So, what do you want to tell me?" Shinji inquired.**_

"_**I wanted to talk to you…about Kaworu." the girl said gravely. Shinji rolled his eyes.**_

"_**I'**__**m listening" he answered. But nothing could have prepared him for what he heard.**_

"_**I think I may have fallen for Kaworu." Mai stared at her feet nervously, but did not blush.**_

"_**What? What do you mean?" Shinji was astonished, dumbfounded, startled, shocked and any other word that means he couldn'**__**t believe what he was hearing. "But I thought you were…I thought you said you were…."**_

"_**I also thought that. But I love Kaworu. I told him today. I'**__**ve just came from his place" The girl seemed uncomfortable. "He loves me too, Shinji. He said he loved me too."**_

_**He loves her? He loves her? No, no, it can**__**'**__**t be true. He can**__**'**__**t love her!**_

"_**I thought you should know…"Mai stood up and headed towards the door.**_

_**Shinji couldn**__**'**__**t fight back his tears.**_

_**But then, the short-haired girl turned around, with the widest of smiles on her face. "You should have seen your face!!!!!" she laughed and threw herself back on the sofa. **_

_**Shinji stared at her, puzzled. "What?" was all he could manage to say.**_

"_**Just kidding!"**__** She chuckled at Shinji**__**'**__**s face of disbelief. "See, I knew you would never admit you like the boy, so I decided to fool you and see how you reacted to the typical jealousy scene. But I was wrong" she frowned. "You don**__**'**__**t just like him, it goes far deeper than that since you**__**'**__**re already crying" she stated.**_

"_**So you are not with him?" Shinji asked, relieved.**_

"_**Not at all. I mean, Shinji, I thought you knew me… Kaworu and I? C'**__**mon… He**__**'**__**s totally yours!" she smiled brightly and clapped her hands.**_

"_**You are such a bitch." Shinji rubbed his tears away.**_

"_**Surely I am. So, what do you feel about him?" she smiled proudly and stared at him.**_

_We never bothered_

_**Shinji evaluated her question. Was he feeling something for Kaworu-kun? Was he feeling something for another boy? He had felt a stabbing pain when Mai had said Kaworu loved her. He had felt betrayed. Hopelessness, loneliness, sadness, disappointment.**_

_Telling each other_

"_**Do you love him?" Mai asked, her face expressionless.**_

"_**I don'**__**t know…." Shinji answered. "It could be" **_

_**He sighed. Why am I taking it so calmly? I**__**'**__**ve just admitted I may love another boy! And here you are, baka Shinji Ikari, calm and relaxed! Bakabakabakabaka!**_

"_**You know what?" Shinji looked up. "Kaworu loves you" the girl said it like it was something obvious and known. Like she was saying '**__**summers are hot**__**'**__**. "I**__**'**__**ve never seen someone so in love". Shinji blushed but said nothing. **_

_What we were bound to guess_

"_**Look, let me tell you something" she got a bit closer to him. "Some time ago, I knew someone that truly loved me" **_

_**Shinji looked up at her. She had never told him about that part of her life. **_

"_**But I was scared. I had never experienced love in my life. I felt the same as you, but I hadn'**__**t noticed. I didn**__**'**__**t think I deserved to be loved by such a wonderful person. I didn**__**'**__**t believe I was good enough…so I left."**_

_**Shinji stared at Mai. "And what happened?" **_

_**Mai smiled at Shinji**__**'**__**s question. She felt like a mother telling her child a story before going to bed.**_

"_**I never saw that person again. I broke the heart of the only person that loved me. That truly loved me. I lost a friend, the one I loved and my only chance to find happiness. I'**__**m sure that I would have been safe and cared for. But I left. I didn**__**'**__**t fight for what I wanted." She wiped away the tears that had just appeared on her eyes. **_

_**Shinji said nothing. In six months, he had never seen his friend cry.**_

"_**Can you promise something to me, Shinji?" she asked and Shinji nodded. "Promise me you won'**__**t be a coward like I was. Promise me you**__**'**__**ll go after Kaworu, because I know you love him." **_

"_**I will, I won'**__**t runaway, Mai" he answered firmly. **_

"_**Good" she said. Mai stood up and slowly went out of Shinji'**__**s house.**_

………………………………

_**The girl didn**__**'**__**t notice the most beautiful crimson eyes following her as she walked out of her friend**__**'**__**s house. Kaworu had been sitting on a nearby house**__**'**__**s roof all along, since he had left Shinji at his home, five hours ago. **_

_**What could he possibly do know?**_

_**I cannot risk Shinji…I can**__**'**__**t.. If I stay here with him, if I remain close to him, they could come for us at anytime. And they could hurt him… Kaworu sighed. There was no way he was going to let that happen.**_

_**A familiar feeling invaded him. His heart-beat accelerated, his muscles tensed, and his mouth filled with a sour taste. A feeling similar to that of being in the middle of the sea and watching idly as a giant wave comes towards oneself. One knows it**__**'**__**s impossible to resist.**_

_**Fear and sadness fell on him. He didn**__**'**__**t want to give up. It was a simple but awful feeling: despair.**_

_**I**__**'**__**d just wish I could kiss you goodbye, Shinji**_

_**It would be like last time, when he had kissed Shinji just before he went to activate Eva 02. **_

_**So this is the destiny for those who defied Your Will? For those that survived the Divine Punishment? It**__**'**__**s a cruel irony, that I was able to win against Death, able to escape Your Punishment. Able to betray YOU, all for his sake, and now for his sake, I must leave him… The eternity of Hell couldn**__**'**__**t diminish my feelings for Shinji, You were unable to stop my coming back. But now, I find myself faced with the same choice I had last time.**_

_**Last time he had chosen Shinji**__**'**__**s life over his, over the Divine Will, over his brethren. He had sacrificed everything he had, everything he was, everything that had ever meant something to him, for the feelings the young Lilim had awakened in him. And he had smiled, during his last moments, for he knew he had made the right choice.**_

_**Now he didn**__**'**__**t know anymore.**_

_Will anybody care?_

_**Kaworu stood up and jumped to the street deciding to at least see Shinji one last time. He flinched at the thought.**_

_**But something seemed to freeze him. It was a terrible feeling, like time had just stopped and left him behind, just watching. Like he had been tied with invisible ropes. He tried to scream but his mouth wouldn**__**'**__**t open; he tried to run but his legs weren**__**'**__**t listening to his wishes. Somehow his brain was disconnected from his body. A stabbing pain pierced him when a familiar voice spoke.**_

"…_**.Tabris…."**_

_**The silver-haired boy fell to his knees, the restriction to his movements suddenly gone. The voice he had forgotten long ago, the presence he couldn**__**'**__**t recognize earlier.**_

_**His brother, how could he have not recognized him? Kaworu was confused. Should he try to speak to his brother? Something inside told him it was okay. And so he tried to find out what was that the other Angel wanted.**_

"_**Arael." Kaworu whispered, doubtful. He could sense him. He was close, but where?**_

"…_**Tabris….stop this now…..you are only making this harder on yourself…"**_

_**Kaworu**__**'**__**s red eyes half-closed in wariness and anger.**_

_We could go anywhere_

"_**Stop what? All I want is my freedom." He said, defiant..**_

"…_**Running away is useless, you know that….if you disobey the will again…"**_

_**The voice was threatening but soft, like Arael was only warning him of what was unavoidable. Kaworu said nothing.**_

"…_**comeback with me…I shall do everything within my power to make your punishment less severe…."**_

_**Kaworu thought Arael sounded like one of those Lilim prosecutors when they were trying to set a plea bargain with a dangerous criminal.**_

"_**No" the silver-haired boy stared at the empty street and spoke firmly. **_

"…_**Do you prefer this?…"**_

_**His mind started racing from memory to memory:**_

_**A pale five years old boy, sitting alone in a white, empty bedroom. Alone.**_

_**A group of scientist studying a seven years old kid that floated inside a tube.**_

_**A teenager being told about the mission he should perform for the organization that captured him. **_

_**The same teenager sitting on a partially sunk statue, humming Ode To Joy.**_

_**The teenager crying silently as he watched a brown-haired boy sleep on the extra mattress on the floor beside his bed. **_

_**The brown-haired boy screaming **__**'**__**you betrayed me! You betrayed my heart!**__**'**_

_**A last smile before the giant hand of Eva 01 closed.**_

_**A soul trapped in his own obsession.**_

_**The brown-haired teenager crying.**_

_**Unending hallways, eternally high walls, complete darkness, and profound silence.**_

_**And a voice, **__**'**__**How do you know my name?**__**'**_

"…_**Your whole existence is miserable, Tabris… don'**__**t risk yourself anymore…"**_

"_**Stop it" Kaworu was screaming and his whole body was shaking so violently that his tears landed everywhere. The disturbing images were still breaking into his mind. Arael was right, his whole life on Earth had been miserable…until he met Shinji. "I'**__**ve suffered enough! I**__**'**__**ve paid for my crime!"**_

_Going through dangers_

"…_**surrender now, Tabris….you don'**__**t want to risk the Lilim, do you?…"**_

_**Kaworu shivered and got up in a blink of an eye. "Don**__**'**__**t you dare touch Shinji!" he pointed at the sky accusingly "If you harm him, you**__**'**__**ll see how desperate I am!"**_

"…_**I cannot make any promises…consider my offer, Tabris…."**_

_**Kaworu almost laughed. "Why are you here anyway?"**_

_**There was a deep silence before Arael answered. Like he was somehow trying to find an answer he himself didn**__**'**__**t know.**_

"…_**.you are Fallen. You are not who you used to be…Can'**__**t you see?…"**_

"_**Damare" Kaworu let the word take on all of his anger. "I am not coming back. I may be Fallen, but I still can put up a good fight against all of you!" the silver-haired boy'**__**s rage was something worth seeing. He hadn**__**'**__**t even notice he was panting. "No one will ever tell Tabris, of Freewill, what to do!" he added, furiously.**_

"_**Tabris….I'**__**m trying to help you….I beg you, come with me. Come back to where you belong…."**_

_**Arael**__**'**__**s voice softened to the point he resembled a mother telling her scared child that there was no boogie man and everything was going to be fine. **_

"_**Go home, Arael" Kaworu sighed and softened his voice. "I can'**__**t go back. I need Shinji" he smiled to the sky.**_

"…_**You are already one of them…"**_

_**Arael**__**'**__**s tone was of hopelessness, it was hard to accept Tabris was a lost case. The silver-haired angel smiled again. It was a sad smile. He knew Arael wanted to help, but he could no longer be helped.**_

_Talking to strangers_

"…_**Is that so?….Do you really love this Lilim so much?…" **_

_**Kaworu sighed and glanced over at Shinji**__**'**__**s house. "You should know him. He has the most beautiful soul I**__**'**__**ve ever seen. He is worth everything" His scarlet eyes were almost sparkling as he talked about Shinji.**_

"…_**I am not capable of understanding you…"**_

_**Kaworu looked down. He was still smiling and tears were shining in his eyes.**_

"_**Perhaps you never will. I am sorry. Go home, Arael, this isn'**__**t your fight"**_

_**And just like that his brother**__**'**__**s presence disappeared.**_

_**I**__**'**__**ve made up my mind, Shinji. I will stay with you. No one, nothing will be able to stop me.. I swear I will protect you. And if Heaven disagrees…let Heaven fall on me, I**__**'**__**ll defeat every one of them for your sake.**_

_Will there be someone there?_


	8. I Took The Shards Of Your Broken Heart

**Hello! everyone!!! I'm so very sorry for the delay... just been having serious trouble for everything I tried to do with my life... I also apologise for the shortness of this chapter, the next one is veeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy long, I promise!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NGE, not even Shinji and Kaworu who I love more than my own life... I do own my invented characters. I don't own Evanescence's song Your Star either.**

**Warning: okay, shounen ai, getting more and more yaoi as chapters pass by...**

**Kisses -kisses!**

**I took the shards of your broken heart**

"_But the imprint is always there..."_

**There****'s a place inside our minds where we can never enter willingly. It's a place where our heart, mind and soul do what they please. It's almost impossible to interpret the right eaning of what that place provides us. That place is our sleeping mind. Our dreams.**

**Shinji turned around on his bed. He pushed the silk sheets over his head without waking up. He had gone to bed after he found he wasn't able to stay another minute awake. His mind was full of the events of the day, and he was longing for sleep.**

**His dreams were very strange that night;**

**He couldn't see anything and he realized his eyes were closed. He laid on his back on somethin soft. He was warm, comfortable. Suddenly he felt something. Something touching him. And he opened his eyes a bit, still feeling sleepy. **

**It was Kaworu. He was laying beside Shinji, and they were both on a mattress placed on the floor. The room was dark. Kaworu had changed clothes. The silver-haired boy he had met the day before was stroking his face, as he bent down on him. **

I can't see your star

"**You are awake" Shinji barely heard the voice, but he knew what the other had just said. Because that's how dreams are like, even if people doesn't speak, you can hear what they say.**

**Shinji didn't answer, he just enjoyed Kaworu's gentle touch, feeling too sleepy as to attempt to stop the other boy. He closed his eyes and relaxed under Kaworu's tender hands. The boy had told him he loved him the day before. He had told Shinji Ikari that he was loved. He couldn't be afraid of this boy because he loved him. Shinji knew he did.**

**Kaworu slowly got closer to Shinji and cupped his face with his hand. Shinji re-opened his midnight blue eyes as he felt Kaworu's lips on his. **

I can't see your star

**The boy kissed Shinji filling the younger boy with the sweetest sensation he had ever felt. At that moment, at that exact moment, Shinji knew he loved Kaworu.**

**Kaworu parted and all Shinji could do was stare at him. **

"**I love you" Kaworu smiled at him. **

"**Stay with me" Shinji stared at him with supplicant eyes. "Stay with me forever" **

**Kaworu simply kissed him again. But this time, Shinji kissed him back. So this was what people called love? This wonderful warm feeling…**

**Shinji's lips parted allowing Kaworu to deepen the kiss. Shinji slid his hands to Kaworu's back, holding him. Holding him close. Close to himself, so he could never ever leave him. But Kaworu broke the kiss then. **

"**Onegai, don't leave me…don't ever leave me" Shinji whispered the plea and he pushed Kaworu into a more passionate kiss. He wanted to taste the other boy, he wanted to be sure this was real. But after some wonderful moments, Shinji couldn't held his breath any longer, and he pulled Kaworu away softly. Kaworu stroke Shinji's hair while he smiled to him. He smiled with that affectionate smile that seemed to take away everything wrong in the world.**

"**You should sleep. It's late" He kissed Shinji's hand, his neck, his lips.**

"**Promise you'll stay with me" Shinji whispered. Kaworu held him and told him the most beautiful lie Shinji had ever been told.**

Though I patiently waited, bedside

"**I'll be here" and Shinji fell asleep. He fell asleep in Kaworu's arms.**

For the death of today

**The dream changed. He was on the seashore. He was talking to himself.**

"**Why did you have to die? Why did you left me? Kaworu-kun!" he was crying and screaming to no one. Because he was alone, he had been alone all along. **

I can't see your star

"**Shinji-kun?" It was Misato's voice, but Shinji didn't hear her. "Shinji-kun it's been a day already…come back home, onegai." she talked to him sweetly.**

"**He's gone…he's gone forever…I killed him…I killed Kaworu-kun….he won't answer me because he's dead, because I killed him…." Shinji kept his knees against his chest while he muttered to himself.**

The mechanical lights of Lisbon

Frightened it away

"**Shinji-kun…" Misato was worried. She kneeled down beside Shinji.**

"**I will never see him again….never, never, never, never, never, never…" Shinji dug his head in his hands. Misato grabbed his wrist and forced him to get on his feet. "C'mon, I'll take you home" **

And I'm alone now

**The dream continued to change. Now he was on his room at Misato****'s apartment. He was holding his pillow. It was dark. It was always so damn dark. He couldn****'****t see anything. He hadn****'****t been able to see Kaworu when he kissed him. It was always so damn dark.**

Me and all I stood for

We're wandering now

**He was always in the dark. And alone. What had Kaworu said? That he suffered because he was lonely? Because he****'****d rather be lonely than to allow people into his life to hurt him? That****'****s what he said****…****And Shinji let him in. And Kaworu hurt him. Kaworu said he wanted to die to save Shinji, so Shinji wouldn****'****t be destroyed. But it hadn****'****t worked. Shinji was destroyed.**

All in parts and pieces

Swim lonely

"**I****'****m alone****…****I****'****m alone again****…"**

**He couldn****'****t keep going, he couldn****'****t keep living in the dark. **

**A single tear went down his face. ****"****Kaworu-kun****…"**** now his eyes were flooded****…****again****…****he was crying again.**

"**Why****"**

Find your own way out

**The dawn was coming. Small traces of light came through his window. He laid there, crying and crying for hours until the Sun illuminated the entire bedroom. It enlightened everything. Everything but Shinji****'****s life. And, truly, who could think of the Sun? The stupid Sun. That damn useless fireball that was worth nothing. How could someone compare that to his Kaworu? How could that idiot Sun enlighten things more than his Kaworu? **

I can't see your star

**Misato entered his room a bit later. She was bringing him breakfast, though he refused to eat. She tried so hard. **

"**Shinji-kun, look I brought you rice balls, your favorites!****"**** She tried to cheer him up. Cheer him up, when there wasn****'****t anything else for him in the world. Kaworu was dead, why didn****'****t she care? Everyone should be crying****…****everyone should be suffering. They had no right to be happy. Kaworu was dead. Kaworu, who had been the most perfect being on Earth. Kaworu, who had been smart, wise, beautiful****…****.perfect. He had been just perfect. Everyone should be mourning for him. **

How can the darkness…

**Misato left the tray with Shinji****'****s breakfast on his night table. She approached him slowly. Shinji was now laying against the wall, still muttering some incomprehensible words. He sat on the bed, staring at the wall. Misato couldn****'****t see his face. **

"**Shinji-kun?****"**** she started, but she broke off when she noticed what lay on Shinji****'****s trembling right hand.**

…feel so wrong?

**It would have been so easy, to end his suffering just like that. It would have been so easy if Misato hadn****'****t show up and took the knife off his hands.**

So far away

**The dream changed again. He was sitting on the seashore. He had obviously went out of Misato****'****s apartment without her noticing it, because he was still a danger to himself. As he stared at the sea, he wondered****…**

It's growing colder…

"**Can you see me? Can you feel my pain?****"**** He closed his eyes. ****"****I want you back, Kaworu. I want to be with you. I want to kiss you, I want to hold you.****"**** he stood up and headed towards the sea. He stopped as the cold water bathed his bare feet. ****"****I love you, you know? Wherever you are, I love you.****"**** Shinji waited for an answer that didn****'****t come ****"****I don****'****t know what to do, Kaworu. I don****'****t know how to go on. How can I live without you, Kaworu?****"**** Shinji stared at the ocean, but again, he got no answer.**

…without your love

"**Talk to me, Kaworu!****"**

**Only silence.**

Why can't you feel me calling your name?

"**Why can****'****t I just die and follow you? I should have let you kill us all. Anything would have been better than this.****"**

**Only silence.**

Can't break the silence

"**Can you hear me, Kaworu! I wish I was dead!****"**

**He only heard silence.**

It's breaking me

**And the dream changed again. He had stopped talking to himself. He had stopped thinking in hurting himself. He had stopped torturing himself with the guilt. Kaworu had died for him and he wanted to make his sacrifice worth something. He had to at least try. He owed that to Kaworu.**

All my fears turn to rage

**He stared at a calendar in a wall on Misato****'****s apartment. **

"**It****'****s been a month****"**

And I'm alone now

**Misato looked over at him. He had a glass of water in front of him. **

"**Take your pills, Shinji-kun****"**** Misato pointed at Shinji****'****s hand. He looked at it, he had two small pills there. ****"****I****'****m not leaving you until I****'****m sure you have.****"**** she said. Shinji did as he was told. **

Nothing worth fighting for

**Then he stared at the glass, now empty. Kaworu had said something about glass. What was it? Ah, yes. He had said Shinji****'s heart was like glass. **

We're wandering now

"**I'll try to move on" Shinji stated. Misato looked up at him, startled.**

All in parts and pieces

Swim lonely

"**I have to at least try" Shinji repeated, though Misato hadn't said anything. "For him. That's what he wanted." **

**Misato's smile was huge.**

Find your own way out

………………………………

**And Shinji woke up. The dream was almost completely forgotten as his cell phone's alarm went off. He sat on his bed trying to recall the details of the strange dream. But he couldn't. The dream escaped him. So he stopped trying and decided to get ready for the school's trip. **

**Of course he didn't care about the things he had seen in his dream. After all, it had only been a dream.**


	9. A Long Lost Love

**Here I am, again with this story.**

**Here is what I promised, the long chapter. I ask for your foregiveness for the uncountable mistakes it has. I just don't feel like checking it too much…since I sat for the First Certificate Examination of English and I don't want to have anything to do with the language for a while. My brain is exhausted.**

**The song is Sacrifice, by the best band ever t.A.T.u.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shinji and Kaworu, because, again, Santa didn't even consider giving them to me as a Christmas present. OMG, that means this fic is a year old now! Happy Birthday to So Close And Still So Far Away…**

**I don't own t.A.T.u. songs either….**

**Mmm, the Japanese words...are the same as ever, so, let's move on with the story!**

**A long lost love**

Can you tell me, softly

**Shinji rubbed his forearms attempting to warm up. The challenging task of getting dressed, having breakfast and getting to school in less than five minutes hadn't been all so successfully accomplished. He had managed to dress up, but he had forgotten to wear a jacket, he had packed his bento lunch, but he had forgotten to have some breakfast. And, well, he had gotten to school early, but only to notice he had a growling stomach and it was freezing on the outside, something he hadn't notice while being inside his artificially heated house. But then again, if it hadn't been so cold outside, then it wouldn't have been so tempting to lay in bed for a minute, and then he hadn't had fallen sleep for 20 minutes instead. But now that was already done, and he couldn't help what had gone wrong, so he decided to pay a look at his classmates instead.**

**It was a bit weird to see his classmates all wearing casual clothes and without the usual drowsiness of the morning's first hours. They were all standing outside the school awaiting for the bus that was to take them away from the place they liked to call "Hell's main branch office" but that other mortals referred to as school. It was still early, and some of the students were missing. Shinji felt out of place, like the lack of classroom and uniform isolated him even more from the rest of the students. He had also noticed some students from other divisions whose names he didn't care enough to find out. Besides from hungry and cold, he felt alone, and was starting to think that coming had been a stupid idea, and that he would have been so much better if he were still asleep, and that he wouldn't have forgotten what he had been dreaming if the mobile phone's alarm hadn't made him jump out of his bed. And he knew his dream had meant something, he knew it was important that he remembered… but, no; it was gone. So he was feeling miserable or starting to feel so when he saw the unmistakable Mai arriving, and closely followed by nonetheless than Kaworu himself. **

"**Shinji! I see you are early as ever!" she winked at him playfully. Obviously, she was back to her usual self after the previous night's outburst. "How come? Aren't you cold? You are just wearing a t-shirt!" she added, widening her eyes.**

"**Freezing, thanks for asking" he glanced at Kaworu, who was wearing a white jacket and blue jeans. "Ohayo, Kaworu-kun"**

"**Ohayo, Shinji-kun" Kaworu answered smiling. He then opened the small bag he was carrying and handled Shinji a blue jacket. "It seems I am sentenced to keep you away from cold" he smiled even more, so that Shinji knew he was just joking. **

"**Oh, how convenient!" Mai clapped her hands childishly "It seems like Kaworu is your guardian angel, Shinji" Both Kaworu and Shinji tried to ignore the way Mai's sentence had turned out for obvious reasons. Kaworu simply watched Shinji put his jacket on.**

How you always haunt me?

"**Yes, indeed." Shinji said shyly, without bothering to show to whom he was talking to. "Arigato, Kaworu-kun" he lifted his eyes from the ground to face the silver-haired while he thanked him.**

"**It's almost time to go now" Mai observed, checking the time on her cell phone. "Aren't you excited?" she smiled proving that at least she was excited. But she didn't got an answer because as soon as she had finished talking, the voice of the class rep rose above the rest of the students' constant mumbling and chattering. **

"**Alright, minna-san, the bus is already here, so as soon as name you, you get on the bus" The general excitement didn't seem to affect Akai, because she seemed as bored as always. Mai had said once that the girl probably hated to be the one that was supposed to control the others and set the example, and Shinji couldn't have agreed more.**

"**Aizawa" she called immediately, without bothering to raise her voice so that Aizawa could hear her above the noise of the chatting students.**

**Shinji noticed the class representatives from the others divisions also calling their classmates and getting on the two other buses he had just noticed.**

"**Bai" only when he heard the name of his classmate, the Aizawa boy got on the bus. Bai followed close, silently.**

"**Bandai, Chikasue" the first one, a blonde green-eyed boy hurried to get on the bus. The second, a dark haired, followed, holding a cards' set in his hand. Mai looked at Shinji.**

"**She's calling us alphabetically, you'll be the first of us. Make sure you get a seat for Kaworu. I'll be sitting with some friends of mine from the other divisions" Shinji was surprised: he had never noticed Mai had friends on the other divisions, or that she had any friends at all. But now he came to think about it, ha had seen her with some boys he didn't know sometimes, but given Mai seemed to talk with everyone and befriend no one, he hadn't take it into account.**

**It was probably a lie, to leave him alone with Kaworu anyway.**

"**Deushi, Gobu" a light brown-haired boy, followed by a dark tall boy got on the bus talking and chuckling.**

"**I'm leaving you now, Shinji, Kaworu, see you later!" the girl disappeared in the crowd. Shinji watched as Mai left and muttered:**

"**She's a bitch"**

"**Ikari, Miyasaki" Akai kept calling the students.**

"**Did you say something?" Kaworu placed a hand on Shinji's shoulder, who was standing a feet away. Shinji sighed. **

"**Nothing. I'd better go. See you there." Shinji followed the boy called Miyasaki, a curly haired short boy.**

**Kaworu stood there till he heard Akai, who was obviously getting impatient since now she was calling three students at a time.**

"**Nagisa, Ogasawara, Okazaki" and the two other boys mentioned, a black-haired and a brown-haired got on the bus. Kaworu walked to the bus wondering why the Lilims needed to be so strict with rules to keep the order of things.**

"**Ri, Saito, Takaki" the Angel heard the last names of the boys' list while he got on the bus.**

**Shinji was already sitting on the first seat. Mai was, in fact, with some friends waiting outside the bus, and by the way the laughed and their expressions they were obviously true friends. Kaworu had noticed the girl was nervous and doubtful when she was around people, even though she appeared to be completely comfortable. But she seemed natural around those boys outside, like she was when she was around Shinji. By what he had heard, it was obvious that nobody ever notice she exaggerated her personality. But then again, he was Kaworu, how couldn't he notice?**

**He walked to the place where Shinji was already sitting. The brunette was gazing through the window, apparently lost in thought, and laying his head against the cold glass. Kaworu noticed he had taken out his MP3 player and was listening to music. **

**It seemed like Shinji could totally forget to wear a jacket in a feezing day, but he couldn't forget the thing that represented his auto imposed isolation from the world. **

**Kaworu smiled at the sight of the Shinji he used to know. But then he saddened, noticing that if Shinji was already comfortably curled up in his own little world, then that meant that he didn't long for any kind of conversation, not even with Kaworu. **

Can you help me? Hold me

**But then again, he was Kaworu. If head brought Shinji out of his shell once, he would certainly do it again. Being the Angel of Freewill, Tabris was known for doing whatever he wished, whenever he wished. He sat beside Shinji, leaving the brunette two choices: to ignore the Angel, and be incredibly rude, or to turn arounf and start a conversation.**

**Shinji turned around and smiled weekly.**

"**I wished to speak to you, Shinji-kun" Kaworu said seriously. "Would you mind if we talked?" Kaworu pierced Shinji with his amazing red eyes.**

**Shinji blinked. Then he took his earphones off, and stared at Kaworu for an answer. As Shinji didn't****'t**** say anything, Kaworu spoke?**

"**I wanted to apologize to you for the way I behaved yesterday. I understand my behavior must have been strange." While saying that, the silver-haired stared right into Shinji's eyes and grabbed one of his hands between his own, causing Shinji to blush in a record time. "But you must know… I saw someone that could have hurt us, and I did everything on my power to keep us safe, to keep you safe. Do you understand that?" he squeezed Shinji's hand softly and softened his voice. Shinji nodded, blushing even redder. "Do you believe me?" Shinji nodded again and looked down a bit. "Shinji-kun, will you forgive me, even if I acted in an unforgivable way?" **

**Shinji let go of his hand and stared at his friend "I…I forgive you…It's ok, I'm sure you did the right thing!" The brunette smiled and closed his eyes. It was the most sincere and true smile Kaworu had ever seen on him. And probably the most sincere smile of his whole **

Come to me now, slowly

"**No hard feelings then?" Kaworu inquired.**

"**Not at all." Shinji said sincerely. How in hell could he be angry with his Kaworu?…wait a minute…Had he just called Kaworu **_**his?!?!?!?!?!?!**_

"**God, I'm starving" he added when all worrying thoughts were washed away by his growling stomach. **

"**Let me guess, you didn't have breakfast, did you?" Kaworu smiled.**

"**No" Shinji blushed again. "I think I'll eat some of my lunch now" he said as he searched for his lunch in his bag. Kaworu on the meanwhile watched how the students finished sitting down and started chanting and chatting. Mai passed them by and went farther inside the bus followed close by three or four boys. Nami, Yuri and Akina were sitting at the back with a bunch of giggling girls.**

"**Ok, minna-san, be silent and listen up. " Akai said with her usual I-don't-give-a-damn-if-you-shut-up-or-not voice and then she started reciting monotonely. "We're off to the trip now, everyone must be responsible and don't do stupid things."**

"**If someone's not able to behave as an intelligent person, then you're on time to get off the bus." said Daichi-san, their sensei, who wasn't nearly as sweet as Akai, but succeeded more when it was about controlling the class.**

"**Hiroshi, get out" Aizawa said, referring to the boy called Gobu, who laughed with the rest of the group.**

"**We're leaving now, so try not to break the windows and jump through them. That's all I'm asking for." said Daichi, exasperated.**

"**Can't promise anything" Saito voiced out, and the class laughed again.**

"**The rules are still up, so you know what to do" Akai said with a tone that seemed to hide 'if you're going to misbehave try not to get caught' "today we're visiting a camping spot where we'll be having lunch and playing sports, chatting, whatever you want to do…"**

"**Whatever? That'll be cool! Has someone got a gun?" this time Ri spoke. Akai didn't bother to wait for the class to stop laughing to finish her lecture. Which, of course, nobody listened. **

"**Well, that's it, we're leaving now…" and she sat down beside the blonde girl called Ashida, while the bus started moving.**

**Shinji was again laying against the window and holding the chopsticks to his mouth. He had also put his earphones on again. Kaworu wondered if the brunette still listened to that wonderful classical music. The third child then, grabbed another piece of whatever he was eating with his chopsticks and filled his mouth completely ignoring the way Kaworu was staring at him. Until he decided to take a glance at him, only to find those red eyes piercing him. The angel was smiling absently.**

**Kaworu seemed lost in Shinji's eyes, face, body… He resembled a little kid watching a particularly delicious piece of chocolate through a candy store's window. **

**The Third Child then straightened in his seat, put away his chopsticks and took off his earphones. The way in which Kaworu was staring at him made him feel really nervous and quite scared. Even so, the angel kept gazing at him. He reached out to Shinji's face and caressed a lock of brunette hair out of Shinji's forehead, still smiling with delight.**

You caress me, smoothly

**After a moment that seemed eternal, the silver-haired broke the silence.**

"**You are so…You are so…" he whispered with his softest and most loving voice. But he never finished his sentence.**

"**Everything okay boys?" Daichi was bending over and watching them with her usual motherly expression. By the looks of it, she didn't have the slightest idea of what was going on or what she had interrupted. She was simply asking as a matter of routine. She was always concerned for her antisocial and or depressive students, such as Ikari Shinji and Yonamine Mai herself. And since he was the new one, She was bound to ask about Nagisa Kaworu's well-being too.**

"**Uh? Yeah, sure, sensei" said Shinji, turning away to look through the window in order to hide his flushed face. Kaworu, on the other hand, turned to gaze at Daichi quite confused, now that he had been taken out of his dream land.**

"**Nagisa? You ok?" Daichi peered at him with her light blue eyes and the silver haired nodded silently. She raised an eyebrow at the disappointed and puzzled expression the silver-haired wore. Then she kept walking her way into the bus, leaving the most uncomfortable silence behind her. **

**Shinji surprised himself by daring to look at the angel sitting beside him.**

**Kaworu had his sight fixed in his hands and he seemed to be utterly embarrassed and mentally cursing himself for his previous…lapse. The brunette couldn't help but notice that the angel was blushing slightly, which made him look even cuter. Shinji sighed and surprised himself again by deciding to ignore what had happened. He was really handling the situation calmly. **

"**I hope it doesn't take too long" **

**Kaworu looked at him for a second, then turned to his hands again. "What do you mean?" his voice sounded shy and uncharacteristically doubtful.**

"**The bus, I wanna be there already…If the bus takes too long I swear I'll fall asleep…" **_**Okay! That was one hell of a change of subject! Well done, Shinji! **_** the brunette was mentally applauding himself. **

"**Mmm…." Kaworu lowered his head so that his silver locks covered his eyes and hid his expression. Shinji, on the other hand, was having lots of fun by noticing he had handled the situation so much better than his friend. **

"**I dreamt about you last night" the brunette's voice was a whisper. Then, he thought that that last sentence had been a little odd and added "I mean, you were in a dream that I had last night…" **

**Kaworu lifted his eyes to meet Shinji's for a millisecond, but it was just the time Shinji needed to notice that the silver-haired was blushing even more at his last comment. **

"**What do you mean? You had a dream…and I was in it? You had a dream about me?" Shinji smiled to himself at the disbelieving tone on Kaworu's voice. **

"**Yep, what's so hard to believe about that?" Shinji said naturally but the silver-haired ignored the question.**

"**Ummm….and what did you dream of?" The angel tried to sound casual.**

"**I can't remember" Kaworu felt an alarm going off on his head. "All I remember is that you were in it… it was a sad dream, though, I reckon something had happened to you in my dream. Yet it made no sense, 'cause some of my old friends were there, from Toky-" **

**Shinji shut his mouth immediately. He had said too much. He waited for the million questions he had expected the silver-haired would have. He waited for the angel to say something like 'oh, so you used to live in Tokyo-3, didn't you?' but nothing happened. But it never came. The angel didn't ask a single question. Which made Shinji wonder… did he, like Daichi, already know?**

**Kaworu just sighed and, for the next thirty minutes, became lost in thought while Shinji listened to his dear music. None of them said anything.**

_**He dreamt about me? How come? Is he remembering something? **_**Kaworu was sure that ,while he had been Tabris, an Angel of God and a holy creature, he had known that, sometimes, when a Lilim forgets something through divine intervention, the only place where the memory is not lost is in the subconscious mind. That is, dreams. For it is impossible to erase something from a place where most things are hidden. **_**It must be, if he says I was in Tokyo-3 in the dream. And what he said about me being injured or something like that? Could it be, my Shinji, that you dreamt of my death?**_

_**I cannot ask him anymore without looking suspicious. Yet, I cannot stand the doubt...**_

_**Oh, Shinji, this is not what I wanted… I wanted to be able to return to you… but to what use if you don't remember?**_

**The warm sun was making everyone more comfortable when they got off the bus. Everyone reunited in groups with their friends and started chatting in excitement. **

"**Minna-san!" Akai, for the first time in years, seemed to be making an effort to make her voice rise from the students' noise. "Well, this is a free school trip, which doesn't mean you won't pay for it" she added and some students gave exclamations of disappointment. "It means you may do as you like. Here in the camping spot you have tables and seats, room to play football if you want. There's also a basketball court over there" she pointed behind the crowd "So off you go, let's have some fun for a change!" she finished happily. Obviously her mood seemed to improve drastically when she freed herself from responsibility. **

**As soon as she finished her speech, the students went all in different directions; Mai waved at Shinji and Kaworu and went after her friends. Shinji took a quick glance at her while Kaworu was watching their surroundings, and he could clearly see Mai winking to him. He glared at her and she laughed. Then she disappeared among the trees.**

**The three girls, Miyagi Akina, Chikamoto Nami and Konami Yuri sat by a table with their friends and started an animated conversation. The boys headed down to the already mentioned basketball court and some of them remained playing cards on one of the tables. Shinji and Kaworu lingered there, uncertain of what to do or where to go, until the girls waved at them, and after an exchange of glances they both walked through the grass and sat with the girls.**

"**Oh…girls, these are Ikari and Nagisa, both new students" Akina was as always, the one talking. She pointed at them as she named them. "You already now Ikari, he's been in our school since the beginning of the year. Nagisa has been here since last week." Akina gave the girls from the other divisions a significant look. The meaning of the various reactions of the girls was lost for Kaworu. Even if it wasn't for Shinji, he was sure Akina had told the other girls about Kaworu. And suddenly he felt a little angry at his classmate. Who had gave her the right to talk about Kaworu?**

**All the girls said hello and gave some other exclamations of courtesy. **

**Kaworu had noticed the one of the girls flinching at the sound of Shinji's name. She was a light brown-haired and grey-eyed girl. She was remarkably beautiful. The silver-haired reckoned she must have had recognized Shinji's name. **

**The girls then started talking about nothings, resuming the conversation that Shinji and Kaworu had interrupted by introducing themselves. They occasionally asked for the brunette or the silver-haired's opinions, while the first wondered about what Mai had told him the night before, the dream he had forgotten, the look on Kaworu's face when he saw that light the previous afternoon, the look on Kaworu's face earlier when he contemplated Shinji on the bus, the look on Kaworu's face when he had told him he had dreamt about him, the thing Kaworu was about to tell him before Daichi had interrupted them with her stupid questions….Kaworu, Kaworu, Kaworu. And the latter thinking about how good Shinji looked dressed in blue, how it made his eyes look even prettier , how it was worth the eternity he had spent in Hell only to be able to sit there and watch Shinji, how cute he was when the ate with his chopsticks, and Shinji, Shinji, Shinji.**

Calm my fears and soothe me

**Obviously Kaworu's mood had improved incredibly since they had got off the bus. But of course, he was under the influence of two of the most happiness-irradiating phenomena in the world: Love and a school trip.**

"**Why are we here?" Kaworu muttered in Shinji's ear. "Among a bunch of girls?" Shinji chuckled at the tone of Kaworu's voice; he sounded like he had just discovered that their classmates had plants coming out of their ears.**

**Several hours had passed by since they had sat with the girls when Kaworu spoke. All the students were playing card games, playing football, talking and doing other various fun stuff.**

**It was almost noon now and the girls were discussing the possibility of starting to eat. The angel then stood up. **

"**Girls, you will have to excuse us but we promised to have lunch with Mai." he waved at Shinji, who stood up a little confused. "And, what kind of a man doesn't keep his promise to a lady?" he said to Shinji's amusement.**

"**Not a gentleman, certainly!" said Akina, making the other girls laugh. Then both boys picked up their things and were gone. **

"**At least we got rid of the girls…." Kaworu smiled happily. Shinji smiled back. Somehow, the fact that the silver-haired didn't want to keep those girls' company was quite comforting. **

"**Um…let me guess…. We're not having lunch with Mai, are we?" Shinji said chuckling. He was following Kaworu's steps into the woods. The camping spot even had it's own small forest.**

**Shinji looked up to the tall pine trees, and then looked down to the variety of wild flowers growing here and there, and finally he looked at Kaworu who was still walking deeper inside the forest, and he confirmed the trip had been an excellent idea.**

_**It's like I'm actually enjoying it… I'm having fun and I'm with my friends… more than everything, I have friends. Even if Mai is a little bitchy sometimes….she's a great friend. **_

_**I can hardly remember my past now….. But wait, this is no time to think about that!**_

_**I'm about to have lunch in a beautiful forest and with Kaworu himself! … Wait, did I just though that? My god, it's happening again…**_

**After some moments they caught the voices of Ashida and Akai, coming from somewhere among the trees. **

"**Haven't you noticed, Tami-chan?" It's like they're struggling between them to get him. Yonamine and Ikari on one side and Miyagi, Konami and Chikamoto on the other!" Shinji chuckled at what Ashida was saying. He had to agree with her.**

"**Certainly, it's like poor Nagisa's been slit into two. But if you ask me, I think I know which side of the rope is going to break first." Now it was the silver-haired who laughed and widened his eyes at that uncharacteristic side of Akai Tamiko's personality. She talked giggling and obviously comfortable while being with her friend. **

"**Anyway, I can't blame them… specially Miyagi." said Ashida Haya. "She always had a thing for cute boys. And you can't deny that Ikari and Nagisa are absolutely gorgeous!" And both girls laughed. **

**Shinji and Kaworu blushed, looked at each other with widened eyes and then laughed.**

"**Yeah, we could use some more transferred students!" they heard Akai saying before they got out of hearing range.**

"**Looks like you are some sort of trophy." Shinji said between giggles.**

"**Well, I do not know about you, but I think I would look quite good standing on a base and covered in gold paint." and all of Shinji's efforts to stop laughing went to Hell as he imagined a golden Kaworu-trophy.**

"**Ne, Shinji-kun, lets sit here and have some lunch. Unlike you, I wasn't eating my lunch while coming here, so I'm quite hungry." Shinji nodded, still smiling and sat down over some big rocks and under a particularly beautiful sakura tree.**

**While they both enjoyed their lunches, talked to each other, tried each other's food and made several jokes, Kaworu forgot he had ever been Tabris. He forgot he had chose once to die for this Lilim boy, he forgot everything he had gone through while being stuck in Hell. Shinji's gentle smile, his soft voice talking about nothings, that was all he could remember, like his life could have been defined by that very moment.**

"**You know, you still haven't explained how in Hell did you know my name…" the blue-eye's words fell upon both of them leaving an uncomfortable silence. The Third Child felt sorry for ruining the little moment, but he needed to know… he needed to know he could trust the silver-haired, he needed to know he wasn't a spy sent by NERV or SEELE to get him. The sole thought of Kaworu being a liar, of their friendship being a fake…it was a lot more than Shinji could handle.**

**Kaworu sensed Shinji's insecurities and decide to tell him half the truth.**

"**Well, I will be honest with you, I know who you are… or at least who you were. That is how I knew your name… I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, I just did not want to blow my chances to get to know you better by reminding you a past that I'm quite sure you wish to forget." the angel's voice faded away before adding in a whisper "You are… an amazing person, Shinji-kun. And a friend of value beyond measure."**

**Shinji swallowed hard. So Kaworu also knew….**

"**What makes you think I would…want to forget my past?" asked Shinji shyly. A whole minute had gone by and it took the silver-haired several seconds to figure out Shinji's question.**

"**Oh…that." Kaworu fixed his eyes on Shinji's blue ones. "Because I know you, Ikari Shinji-kun, more than you think. Someone who runs away from a city, starts a new life and doesn't bother telling anybody about his past is obviously running from something" he smiled, but it was a serious sad smile. Shinji bit his lip and lowered his eyes when he felt that he couldn't fight back the tears anymore. Kaworu simply cupped the brunette's face and wiped Shinji's tears with his thumb. **

"**I guess… it sounds pretty obvious… when you put it that way…" Shinji whispered, once again locking his gaze with the angel, who smiled again and wiped away more of his tears.**

Move your hands across me

**And as Shinji stared at Kaworu who was really close to him now, even with the tears pouring from his eyes blurring his vision, he noticed… just noticed…. How beautiful those scarlet eyes were… 'he has breath-taking eyes', Mai had said. How accurate and yet short seemed the word now. Breath-taking eyes indeed.**

**They sat there almost for a minute that seemed eternal, simply staring into each other's eyes. But then Kaworu started leaning closer and closer, slowly closing the one feet gap between them. Shinji just blushed as he watched the other boy reduce that gap to an inch. He was scared, nervous and expectant, but he wanted that kiss. He longed for Kaworu's fine lips. He didn't even realize how long he had been fighting against the impulse of kissing him. **

Take my worries from me

**Their lips were brushing when they heard the voice. **

"**Kaworu! Ikari! Where are you boys? Sensei Daichi says we shouldn't be getting so deep in the forest!" It was Yuri. "Where are you?"**

**Kaworu cursed the innocent girl mentally and leaned backwards (showing his incredible amount of will), separating himself from those lips he had wanted to kiss since months now. Shinji seemed shocked and confused so Kaworu spoke.**

"**We're here Yuri-san" his voice came a lot harsher than he had wanted to "We're okay"**

"**Oh there you are!" the blonde girl had just come from behind a tree. "You should get going , unless you want to be left in here, Daichi says we'd better keep where she can see us… so much for the so called freedom…" she ended, obviously adding some mental adjectives to their teacher.**

**We'd be there in a minute. We have to pack our lunches" Kaworu's tone was subtly hiding a -go away, leave us alone- Yuri smiled and left.**

"**Don't take too long, I'll keep an eye on Daichi, she doesn't know you are here." she said as she walked to a spot where they could no longer see her curly hair. **

**Kaworu got up and offered Shinji a hand to help him got onto his feet. Shinji took his hand and picked both bento lunches. **

"**We….should get going…" the brunette's first spoken words after Kaworu had almost kissed him sounded hollow and meaningless. He stared at the crimson-eyed, waiting. But the angel gave no signs of wanting to hurry or any intention of leaving at all. Konami Yuri turned around to take a glance at the two teenagers and in slow motion she watched Kaworu push Shinji against the sakura tree. Softly but quickly. **

I will sacrifice

I will sacrifice

**Shinji froze. What was he supposed to do now? The silver-haired boy caressed his face with his thumb and pushed back a brown lock, all the time smiling absent-mindedly. The brunette was as tense as someone who is stuck between Kaworu and a tree would be. (Well actually I think some of us wouldn't be tense at all, 'cause we would have already straddled the angel and we'll be having our way with him). Shinji waited for the unavoidable but the crimson-eyed seemed to be taking his time to savor the moment. Finally he spoke.**

"**Don't you ever cry again, Shinji, You'll never need to cry again. I'm here for you" Shinji felt a warm feeling inside as Kaworu took the brunette's right hand with his left, his pale right hand never leaving the younger boy's face.**

"**Do you….do you mean that?" Shinji lowered his eyes and asked in a whisper. Kaworu lifted the other boy's head with his hand.**

"**Of course I do, silly. You are all I care about." the silver-haired smiled one of his perfect smiles , making Shinji go through several shades of pink. At that moment, at that precise moment, the blue-eyed sent his doubts to hell and surrendered to whatever this sweet crimson-eyed boy wanted to do with him.**

**For a moment none of them said a thing, but then Kaworu leaned close enough to make their noses touch. **

"**How long has it been?" Kaworu was clearly talking to himself, given that the younger boy didn't have the slightest idea of what he was talking about. **

"**How long has it been since the last time we kissed?" Shinji blinked in confusion but Kaworu didn't give him time to think about his answer. **

All I have in life

To clear my conscience

**The silver-haired closed the gap between them with a smooth movement, gently kissing Shinji's lips, sending shivers through the younger boy's spine. For a long moment, Shinji's mind was blank, then what was going on clicked in his mind. **

_**Kaworu's kissing me….oh my God….A boy is kissing me….what do I do? What do I do?**_

**The angel started kissing Shinji more fervently, but still slow and caring, and Shinji found himself responding and getting lost in the kiss. How wonderful, how blissful a simple kiss could be? Shinji didn't know anymore, but it was surely something immeasurable. **

I will sacrifice, I will sacrifice!

All I have in life!

Sacrifice! Sacrifice!

**Behind a nearby tree, Konami Yuri felt her jaw fell to the ground when she saw Nagisa Kaworu kissing Ikari Shinji. She couldn't help but to stare wide eyed when Ikari started kissing back. It hadn't been her intention to interrupt them, she hadn't mean to spy on them. She was only doing what she said she was doing, warning them not to go far away. She had to stop caring for people once and for all.**

**Of course, she had to admit that it had been an instantaneous attraction between them; the way they were always together, the way they addressed each other... but she had never dared to imagine they could be... more than friends. And since she hadn't listened to what they were saying before kissing, she had no way to know they had just become more than friends. They made quite a good couple, she thought. And immediately after that, she shook her head, like trying to get rid of the idea.**

**Kaworu was about to get Shinji to open his mouth when Yuri just couldn't take it anymore. She coughed, tuning her back on the boys. She would die if they knew she had seen them.**

"**Boys! Hurry up! I think I see sensei Daichi coming!" of course the blonde teacher was nowhere near them, but, the Hell! She needed an excuse! What was she supposed to say? ' Hey, I saw you making out and it was so shocking I just want you to stop so that I can forget the goddamn thing'?**

Can you fill me, solely?

**Obviously, the silver-haired angel had noticed she had been watching from the beginning. But there was no way he was going to miss this chance. Not even if the whole classroom, or the whole school, with teachers included, had been spying on them.**

**He stepped back and left Shinji's lips alone. He picked up the lunches that had fallen from Shinji's grips in the precise moment on which Kaworu had pressed his lips against the brunette's. **

"**Let's go" Kaworu smiled. Shinji, on the other had, couldn't believe what he was hearing. **

**How on Earth could Kaworu stay so calm?!?!? He had just kissed another boy…a classmate!!! And he was as calm and relaxed as ever!**

"**Is there something wrong, Shinji-kun?" And still, he had the nerve to ask if there was something wrong! **_**No, no, of course not! I mean, I'm totally used to being kissed by my male classmates and them watching them act as nothing had ever happened.**_

**Shinji dismissed the angry thought and looked down, unable to hide his blush.**

"**You..you ki…- we kissed!" the brunette's voice was barely audible. Kaworu grinned.**

"**Certainly, we did. It is not so easy to forget your lips, Shinji-kun. I have not forgotten it, nor am I trying to make the fact unimportant." his grin didn't fade. At the comment regarding his lips, Shinji's cheeks turned bright red, making Kaworu's grin even wider.**

"**Demo…I do not want Daichi-san's sanity to be put in danger because of us… We should better go now." Shinji couldn't help but to smile and nod.**

**They walked together to the spot where Yuri was standing alone. Shinji, blushing and with his mind flying somewhere else. And Kaworu, feeling the happiest person on Earth again. **

Deeper still and wholly

**Yuri blushed slightly when the boys passed her by. The silver-haired smiled at her.**

"**Come on, Yuri-san, we've got to get out of here!" he said enthusiastically. The blonde girl blinked twice and nodded so vigorously that her curls bounced up and down. **

**After a short moment, they found themselves again among the crowd of students, who were now playing dodge ball. Mai, who was sitting among her friends and other students that preferred watching than playing, stood up immediately and run towards Shinji and Kaworu.**

"**Boy's you don't know what you've missed! Ri threw the ball so high that it ended up on top of a pine tree and then we had to hit the tree until it fell down right on Gobu's head!" she clapped her hands, a feature so typically hers that it may have seemed her signature, obviously replaying the incident on her mind. "Which, now that I think about it, is a shame. Such a good-looking boy…and now we've probably killed his only functioning brain cell…" she put her forefinger to her chin, in a thoughtful expression. Shinji laughed.**

"**You missed a lot too" Kaworu whispered to himself, so that Mai couldn't hear him. Shinji did, though, and blushed almost immediately.**

"**Oh, Shinji! Kawaii ne! You are as red as a tomato!" Mai smiled, closing her eyes, and shoved Kaworu playfully before adding " Doesn't he look incredibly cute when he blushes like that?" **

**Kaworu smiled back to her. The Third Child, on the other hand, threw her a killing glare. **

"**He certainly does." said the silver-haired. Shinji made a mental note to kill Mai, while Kaworu repressed the sudden urge of eating the brunette alive. He looked cute when he blushed, indeed.**

"**So what? Are you gonna play or watch?" Mai asked Shinji, obviously assuming that Kaworu would follow anything Shinji decided. **

"**Mmm…I'd rather watch" Shinji said simply and sat among Mai's friends with Kaworu to his left and the short-haired girl to his right. Mai didn't bother to introduce the boys to her friends, unlike Akina.**

**As they weren't left on their own again during the rest of the day, Shinji and Kaworu didn't have time to talk about what had happened. **

With your understanding

**Instead, they kept exchanging meaningful glances and gestures. The angel would repeatedly smile to Shinji, or stare at him dreamily, lost in thought as always. The Third Child would only blush and smile back shyly. The flirting was followed all the time by Mai, who caught their gazes meeting more than once. She only chuckled and tried to appear concentrated on the game taking place in front of her, rather than the one taking place beside her.**

**Time went by and nobody other than Mai and Yuri noticed what was going on between the boys. The blonde girl had turned down every offer she had been made to join the game. She seemed to be considering what she had seen. Every now and then she would lift her sight a little to take a quick glance at the boys, like figuring whether she should keep their secret or tell.**

**At 4:30 pm, Akai stood up and went to talk to sensei Daichi, who had been sitting with sensei Shirai and the headmistress Sasaki. They exchanged a few words and Akai's voice rose from the student's.**

"**Ne, minna-san! Time to go!" Pack your things and wait, I have to count you before you get on the bus!"**

**Slowly the students obeyed and after some minutes, they were all standing next to the buses. Akai had taken out a paper and was ticking their names as they got on the bus on by one, fighting for the best seats, chanting or simply chatting.**

**Mai and Shinji got on the bus yawning. Kaworu followed, still grinning.**

"**I'm so sleeping!" Mai exclaimed to no one in particular and a moment after she was curled up in her seat and apparently asleep already.**

**As soon as they both were in their seats on the front of the bus, Shinji and Kaworu stared at each other. Shinji was about to open his mouth when sensei Daichi took the sit immediately in front of them, and the headmistress Sasaki sat by her side. **

"**I guess we can talk later…" Shinji whispered. **

"**Don't worry, Shinji-kun. There would be plenty of time to talk. You should better sleep." said the Angel in a sweet voice.**

"**Oh, arigato, Kaworu-kun! I think I'll try to get some sleep…" the brunette laid back on his seat and tried to accommodate in a comfortable position before closing is blue eyes. The silver-haired only smiled and sighed at the sight, and whispered "Your welcome"**

**Shinji didn't sleep, but laid there, thinking, pondering. He couldn't believe what had happened, and he couldn't believe how calmly he was taking it. He had been kissed by a boy…No, wait! He had kissed a boy! **

**But of course, Shinji was he type of person that goes through his life without worrying too much about why things happen. Well, he might have fallen in love with the crimson-eyed…so what? He was happy. He knew Kaworu was happy. What was wrong with it?**

**And it had felt so right, so wonderful… Kaworu's lips o his own, the boy's hand holding his own, what he had said about Shinji being all he cared about, about how he was always going to be there… it had felt so damn right. And that was all Shinji cared about at that moment. **

**Eventually, the blue-eyed fell asleep. His breath became steadier and his head fell on his own shoulder. The angel helped the brunette into a more comfortable position, just like he had done when Shinji had fallen asleep at his home. The Third Child slowly moved, half asleep, and rested his brunette head on Kaworu's shoulder, earning a remarkable blush from the angel. **

With your arms around me

**Unfortunately, Daichi turned around on her seat in order to scold some particularly noisy students. But the lecture never left her mouth.**

**She raised an eyebrow at Kaworu, who broke Shinji's record of blushing the reddest in the least time possible. In addition, Sasaki had also turned around, probably to see why her friend wasn't telling students off, and now was watching the scene rather amused.**

**The two women finally turned their backs on the happy couple, forgetting about the students they were supposed to tell off.**

**When they finally found themselves at the school gates, they got off the bus, happy to be able to go home at last. Shinji woke up and stretched, not showing any sign that he had noticed he had been sleeping over Kaworu's shoulder. **

**Some of the students' houses were on the way from the camping spot to the school, so they had already gotten off the bus. The remaining lot started to separate, heading towards their respective homes. **

Can you help me, hold me?

"**Shinji, are you walking home today?" said Mai, rubbing her eyes.**

"**Nh?…Sure…" Shinji seemed to be having trouble focusing in the real world.**

"**Good, then come with me… and Ri-chan…also coming with us, are you?" she turned to a tall, thin green-eyed boy.**

"**Yeah, sure." he nodded. **

"**Oh…I forgot… gomen nasai… Shinji, Kaworu, this is Nakatani Ryou. Ri-chan, these are Ikari Shinji and Nagisa Kaworu." she said yawning.**

"**And I'm Yonamine Mai…and that is sensei Daichi…and this is our school…and that is a bus…" she added and her friend laughed.**

Whisper to me, softly

**They started walking together, talking about nothings, until they got to Shinji's house, which was the nearest. Kaworu realized then that he was not going to be able to talk to Shinji that day at all.**

**The blue-eyed smiled apologetically, and the crimson-eyed smiled back, before Shinji closed the door. **

**Mai, her friend and Kaworu kept walking. Next thing he knew, they were at Mai's friend's house, a beautiful small manor. He said goodbye and only Mai and Kaworu were left.**

Move your hands across me

**Mai was happily humming a song, but Kaworu wasn't paying attention to her. He was trying to find a way to see Shinji as soon as possible.**

**After some minutes, they were standing outside the block of apartments where Kaworu lived. Seeing she was soon to be left alone, Mai pulled out her MP3 player.**

"**No wonder why you and Shinji-kun are such good friends" stated Kaworu, raising one of his pale eyebrows.**

**Mai grinned. Kaworu was waiting for her to say goodbye and leave, but she did not move.**

Take my worries from me

"**Kaworu"**

"**Yes?" he inquired.**

"**I wish to speak to you for a moment. May I come in?" she said seriously. Her voice was flat, and quite unlike herself.**

"**Yes, of course" Kaworu said, surprised and curious. "What's the matter?" he added, gently.**

**Mai looked up at him, and gazed directly to his red eyes with her brown ones.**

I will sacrifice, I will sacrifice

All I have in life to clear my conscience

"**I'd really preferred that we talked inside. Open air…is…dangerous" she said, without giving away the meaning of her words. **

"**Dangerous?" Kaworu was startled. "I don't think I can quite follow…"**

**But Mai interrupted him.**

I will sacrifice, I will sacrifice

All I have in life

"**Oh, yes. Dangerous. We might be heard."**

Sacrifice! Sacrifice!


	10. The Messengers of Darkness

Ok, so here I am again... I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, I realize it's been a while since I last uploaded. But I had a bit of Writter's block and I have been quite busy """

I hope you forgive me one day! Also I don't know how long would it be till I get a new chapter for you, so please try to be patient!

I think there isn't anything else to say... well the song is a translation of t.A.T.u.'s Vsya Moya Lyubov'... but the lyrics aren't complete because they were too long...

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to all my readers and reviewers (Thank U!!) and especially to Lord Saturn, who makes my day everytime he writes to me

Disclaimer: I couldn't get Shinji and Kaworu for my birthday, so I guess they and NGE still belong to Gainax. Also the song belongs to t.A.T.u.

**The Messengers of Darkness**

"**I don'****t understand... be heard?****"**

An array of emotions

**Kaworu didn't understand anything the girl was saying. Mai blinked funnily in surprise, then smiled and clapped her hands, quickly putting her mp3 player safe on her jeans' pocket.**

"**Well, Kaworu, it'****s in your best interests that we****'****re not overheard!****"**** she answered happily.**

**Kaworu was totally astonished. He looked around them, to the deserted street, and wondered even more about what the girl was talking about.**

**It might have been just an impression, but he thought he saw Mai****'****s smile fade when he did that.**

**But, as he realized arguing was useless, he decided to lead the girl inside the block of flats.**

Distortion

**Once they were inside the lift, she smiled again without looking at him.**

"**Shinji doesn't'****t trust you.****"**** Kaworu almost jumped, startled by the meaning of her words**

"**At least, not completely.****"**

**He gave her a questioning look and she only sighed, still smiling. **

"**What do you mean?****"**** Said Kaworu when he realized she was n****o****t going to give further explanations. She stepped out of the lift and stood still on the fifth floor for a second, before adding:**

"**He has his doubts about you.****"**** And then she kept walking until she reached Kaworu****'****s flat door. He walked to her slowly and unlocked the door, letting her enter the flat first.**

"**But****…**** he does love you.****"**** She gazed at the inside of the flat. It was medium sized and Kaworu had rented it before he went to Shinji****'****s school for the first time. As he entered his own flat, he thought about how unbelievably cold-blooded he had been, renting a flat, buying himself clothes and food, before running into Shinji****'****s arms. It all seemed so strange now. But, really, he thought trying hard to supress a smile, the strangest thing now was that he was still able to surprise himself.**

"**You have a very nice place****"**** she sentenced, finally. She didn****'****t seem surprised not to find anybody inside. **

"**What do you mean? How do you know all that?****"**** Kaworu said, trying not to sound too upset and failing miserably. **

"**What? That your flat is nice? I know simply because I****'****ve got eyes and good taste.****"**** she stated, matter-of-factly. But after the warning look Kaworu shot at her she added:**

"**A woman can tell, It****'****s called female intuition, you know.****"**** She wasn****'****t smiling anymore.**

"**So, what is this? A woman-to-man talk? You are trying to say that I should better not prove Shinji right?****"**** he answered, trying to sound amused and carefree. ****"****Are you making sure I don****'****t hurt him?****"**

I am and I am not

"**No****"**** she replied honestly. ****"****He can take care of himself.****"**** She whispered, like dismissing the fact.**

"**I thought you had acknowledged my feelings for him as genuine. I only long for his well-being.****"**** he declared, still uncertain of what she meant with the conversation. **

"**Of course.****"**** She admitted, absent-mindedly, like dismissing the fact as something perfectly known. ****"****But, he doesn****'****t know that. He doesn****'****t know you love him.****"**** She added thoughtfully after a pause. ****"****But****"**** she finished. ****"****I do.****"**

I'm censing myself

**The silver-haired teenager was at a loss for words. Everyone had told him that Mai was quite weird, but this conversation was really getting on his nerves.**

"**And your point is?****"**** he said ignoring her last statement. **

"**You see, this means, then, that I know you both love each other.****"**** Mai answered simply, holding up her fore and middle finger. **

**At that point Kaworu was certain that the girl wasn****'****t ****'****quite weird****'****. She was totally nuts.**

"**Anyway, that****'****s not important****…**** the important thing here is that you should show Shinji there****'****s still good people out there****…"**** she sighed. ****"****Don****'****t you think, Kaworu?****"**** she looked at him. It might had been only Kaworu****'****s tired brain impression, but she pronounced his name in a rather strange way. **

At the rivers in your sleep

**Kaworu said nothing, and Mai only kept staring at him for a minute that seemed eternal. He had the totally strange idea that she was trying to tell him something. **

"**Well, I have to go now****…**** Kaworu, I****'****ll see you on Monday, I guess****…"**** she smiled, finishing the awkward silence that had landed between them. Then she giggled for no apparent reason. The silver-haired boy knew this time I wasn****'****t a trick played by his own mind, the girl****'****s laugh was oddly familiar to him. She turned around and he followed her, in order to walk her to the door.**

Small fires and snow

**When the two teenagers were on the street again, they bowed to each other. **

"**Sayounara, Kaworu****"**** Mai said, returning to her usual happy-go-lucky self as she put on her earphones.**

"**Sayounara, Mai****"**** he answered, trying to hide his concern. She walked a few steps and then turned around.**

"**Kaworu****"**** He looked up to her, she was standing some feet away, holding the earphones on her right hand. ****"****Please, be careful.****"**** she said simply. **

I hide and spin

I spin myself

**And she was gone, walking away slowly, humming another song, before he even had time to answer. Gone, leaving a stunned angel behind.**

………………………………**...**

**Mai****'****s strange words seemed to be stuck in his head for the rest of the day. And for the following day too. He kept trying to understand what she had meant to say, but he couldn****'****t. He spent his Saturday pretending to be tidying his room or cleaning, but all he could truly think about was what she had said to him. However he has unable to extract any more meaning to the words.**

**Whatever she said, it seemed to him that the conversation had been nothing more than a warning for him. To make sure he wouldn****'****t hurt her precious Shinji. That was the only sensible explanation he could think of, and he decided to leave it at that.**

And the river sparkles

And the bridges flash by

**It was on Sunday****'****s afternoon that he decided to forget about that and pay Shinji a little visit.**

**He had been resisting such impulse the previous day, knowing that his beloved brunette would be working on his part-time job. But now, he had nothing preventing him from seeing the boy.**

**He wondered what he could possibly say to Shinji after what had happened between them. What could possibly Shinji say to him****…**

**How was it going to be now? He had never imagined himself in a relationship with Shinji, he had never though he would have that chance. It had always been something impossible, something unreachable. And now...**

**It all seemed unreal, the way things had turned out for him. The way he had gotten his second chance. No, their second chance. Not for Kaworu alone, but for Kaworu and Shinji.**

**After being confined for so long, after all the suffering he had experienced, after the darkness, the silence and the nothingness, love awaited for him at the end of the road. **

**How ironic, that the Angel of Freewill had been the one deprived of it. 'Freewill', it had just been a word to him, a mere title. It had meant nothing after the second he laid his eyes on Shinji. Nothing.**

**Freewil was non-existant. Only Shinji's will mattered. Freewill was nothing. It hadn't been enough to let Kaworu stay by Shinji's side.**

**It was completely and absolutely nothing to him now. His mission, his Purpose, his name... he had long ago forgotten all those things that he had hold dear once. **

**Now, he was like any other human teenager. The only thing shadowing his life was the great amount of homework the teachers left him. And as any other human teenager, Kaworu was in love.**

**Well, homework was almost his only concern...**

**He felt really light-hearted as he walked to Shinji****'****s house. He refused to use the public transport since his encounter with Arael. The idea of being trapped among a crowd of unsuspecting Lilims, vulnerable to any attack wasn****'****t really a nice perspective for him.**

And two small animals slide by

In an empty catafalque

**He was so lost in thought and in memories, his mind was so busy with his immediate concern of what he would tell Shinji and what he would do once he wa sin front of him that he didn't notice how as he walked towards Shinji's house the streets were gradually getting emptier and emptier. Until there was no one around him.**

**But then, he heard the voice and he couldn;t ignore that fact anymore...**

" **So, we finally meet, Tabris****…"**** this time the voice was entirely human. Or if it wasn't, it was a very good impersonation of a human voice. ****"****Or, shall I say, Nagisa Kaworu, as you like to call yourself these days?****"**

**The silver-haired angel turned around but saw nothing. He looked over the empty streets with no result. The voice laughed, and as it had happened with Mai, the sound was quite familiar. Kaworu was sure he had already heard the voice before. Yet, unlike Mai's laugh which seemed to spread happiness and light around her, the feeling the starnger's laugh gave him was one of sheer evil, of darkness, and Death.**

**The voice was a male voice, low and incredibly soft, even if it now intended to be threatening. **

**The man spoke again.**

"**Do you actually think me stupid enough as to not hide myself from you?" he seemed rather amused. "Don't they teach you to never underestimate your enemies at Angel's school? Or did you just fail the subject?" **

"**I don't even know who you are" protested Kaworu, disregarding the joke.**

"**Apparently they don't teach you manners either." said the voice and after a pause, added "If you don't know who I am, then you need to think harder… my identity, however, is not important, my job is."**

**The voice, Kaworu noticed, was a real sound. No telepathic message would be able to send shivers down his spine the way this man's voice did. It wasn't loud, but it seemed to fill the air completely. Surrounding him. Choking him.**

"**Right, then, who sent you? And what is it that you want?" asked the silver-haired boy.**

"**How rude, Tabris… shall I call you Tabris or Kaworu? Which one do you prefer?" he answered, in a tone that made Kaworu doubt if he was joking or if he really wanted an answer.**

"**I asked you a question." Kaworu pointed, deciding to ignore the one he had been asked.**

"**Yes, you did." the voice admitted. "I am not 'sent' by anyone…" he said resentfully, like the sole idea of being 'sent' was the worst thing that could ever happen to him. "I am no servant of that God of yours… I am nothing more than a simple messenger, but, like you, I own Freewill. However, unlike you, I do not owe obedience to the Light, but I guess you don't do that anymore, either…" He said thoughtfully. He stopped for a second and then added "My mission is you."**

**Kaworu felt his whole body freezing as the sudden realization hit him. He breathed heavily and spoke:**

"**Have… have you come to take me?"**

"**Take you? No, no, no… I do not like to think of myself as the one who does your God's dirty jobs" he put emphasis on the word 'your', as if he really didn't want misunderstandings on that matter "… all I am required to do is find you." he stopped and the crimson-eyed boy felt as if his blood had gone cold. "I understand you quite well, Tabris." the voice added.**

"**Don't you dare say you understand me! You!… Nobody understands me!" Kaworu screamed. It offended him that such a creature would compare himself to him. It was like an insult.**

"**Already acting like Lilim teenagers, aren't we?" Kaworu could almost see the smirk on the man's face. " I do understand you. It's awfully simple, actually." said the voice, matter-of-factly. "You fell in love with a Lilim.**

**Kaworu waited, but said nothing.**

"**You were Tempted, Tabris of Freewill, and you Fell. There's nothing more to it than that." he said gravely.**

"**Maybe I was" Kaworu smiled. "But then it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me." The crimson-eyed teenager whispered. "And I have no intention of returning with any of you." he finished.**

"**Indeed." said the voice. "But, the thing is, my dear Tabris, that the guy upstairs has a tendency to take this kind of things personally… And I have to take you back." the voice finished, thoughtfully.**

You won't roll away

**Kaworu felt the danger even before the man had made a move. He was faster and he had already come up with a plan, or a desperate attempt at surviving.**

**He started running towards the most crowded place he could think of, choosing a super market that was two blocks away. As an Angel (or better said, former Angel) he knew well that a creature sent by Him would never dare to show its true self in front of a Lilim again. Not after the Evas. **

**As he ran, he watched as the lights of the streets went out. To the corner of his eye, he could see a dark, tall figure walking, almost sliding, towards him. Fighting would have been useless, since the creature had been sent to get him it was a certainty that it could beat him.**

**The man didn't have the chance to attempt a single attack. The silver-haired angel had already disappeared behind a house.**

Sorry, everything's been erased

**The man cursed softly. He was just about to shoot a random attack out of rage when a hand grabbed his wrist.**

"**Don't waste your energy, it's no use." said the woman that had just appeared beside him.**

**The man turned to the tall, slim figure. She was just as tall as he was. Her figure was beautiful but strong. Delicate, and at the same time, determined. **

"**You are right." He admitted. They both spoke in a language unknown for humans. A language different from any other spoken in Earth. Or in Heaven. "You escaped now, Tabris, but then… who knows what would happen next time?" he said to no one, smirking widely.**

"**I reckon he would do anything for that Lilim…" said the woman, her voice full of concern. " He won't be an easy prey." she finished.**

**"But... you already know that, don't you?"**

**The man frowned. What could they do, after all? He did understand how Tabris felt. He understood it too well.**

"**We will see." he replied vaguely. And, as suddenly as they had appeared, they both vanished from view.**

**Kaworu, on the meanwhile, was already deep inside the downtown area. He decided it was better to stay there for a little while, just to make sure he wouldn't be followed back home. Actually, he was just trying to recover from the shock.**

**Needless to say, the idea of visiting Shinji was totally abandoned. It was quite stupid, and he had to admit it, to think that they wouldn't know where Shinji lived. And even if the idea of Shinji being hunted down by this... being was already haunting him. **

**He shook his head. No, it was impossible. They all knew where Shinji was. If that man wanted to hurt Shinji, he would have already done so. Or probably used him as a bait to lure Kaworu. Or plainly blackmail him under the threat of killing Shinji. In any case, their intentions were probably very different. But he wouldn't visit Shinji today. It was a risk he didn't dare to take.**

But it doesn't matter to him

**He couldn't stop the odd feeling of déjà vu that had invaded him. That voice... he had heard it before. He knew it. It was foreign, but familiar at the same time. It seemed from a very long time ago... and also very recent. He knew he had heard that voice before.**

**But…where?**

**And a sudden thought made him scared to death. **

**What if the voice belonged to someone he knew, someone Shinji knew? What if someone had been sent to get him? Someone he or Shinji trusted, someone they knew, someone... that knew them.**

**He started thinking about everyone he had met since he had arrived to Osaka. Every classmate, every teacher, every employee of every store he had visited… but he found nothing. No one that he could associate with the voice.**

**Yet, the lack of evidence didn't make the possibility less horrifying. It was very likely that he had been watched from the very beginning.**

'_**Then you need to think harder'**_** had said the man… And he tried to, but nothing came up.**

Blue, blue

**He found himself staring at his own home incredibly soon.**

_**It can't be**_

**He thought as he entered his bedroom and laid on his bed.**

_**It can't be…**_

_**--**_**--**

**It was already quarter to nine when Shinji finally arrived at school. The English class had started long ago, and when he slid the classroom's door open, he found his classmates all working in pairs. Another group of students, from another division were there too, since English classes were shared by the students from the three divisions.**

**He entered the room silently and was not noticed by anyone as he made his way to his desk. He passed Mai by, the girl was working with an attractive, blonde, light-blue-eyed girl, who has a lot taller than Mai. **

**Shinji waved at her and she smiled, pointing with her head to the end of the classroom. The blue-eyed teenager turned around and spotted the only student that was working alone, Kaworu Nagisa. Shinji sighed, but smiled to Mai, who winked at him mischievously. After that, he walked to the place where the silver-haired boy sat, staring at his English books with an obvious lack of interest. **

"**Ohayo, Kaworu-kun" Shinji said simply. A pair of crimson eyes lifted instantly from the book to stare at him, and a sincere smile enlightened the angel's pale features.**

"**Shinji-kun! I thought you weren't coming! What happened?" he said, still smiling, and watching the brunette placing his textbooks on his desk.**

"**Nothing really. I overslept." explained Shinji immediately. Of course, the lie had been rehearsed by him over ten times now. He had had plenty of time to come up with a credible explanation while he had been trying to make up his mind a block away from the school. While he had been deciding whether he would be able to face Kaworu now that a conversation about what happened seemed imminent. **

The small ball will bounce

"**So what are we supposed to do?" asked the blue-eyed boy with faked innocence and the silver-haired teenager started explaining the exercises, wondering why Shinji was acting like nothing had ever happened between them.**

Without you and with you.

**As minute after minute passed by, and they were done with the exercises, the angel began to worry. **

**This wasn't the same Shinji he had met at a lakeside back then at Tokyo-3. Running away, starting a new life, all seemed to have affected Shinji's personality deeply. The Shinji that longed for acceptance and care was gone. The boy that wanted a friend, someone who would love him more than anything else in the world didn't exist anymore. A Shinji that couldn't trust anyone, a suspicious, quiet boy had been born to replace him. The Shinji that had so eagerly accepted his feelings for a silver-haired boy and such silver-haired boy's feelings for him was…gone.**

You won't return

**Kaworu truly wondered if the change was due to the memory loss or to the sudden realization that he would have to face a life alone. **

Sorry, everything's been erased

**He hoped with all his heart that Shinji wasn't deliberately avoiding the subject of what had happened between them because he didn't want anything at all with him. He hoped so. He wished so. **

**Kaworu told himself (in true infatuated-school-girl style) that Shinji would probably try talking to him later, away from their classmates' ears. **

**Shinji, however, gave no signs of wanting a conversation of any kind with Kaworu. He intentionally ignored Kaworu and they remained silent, waiting for the class to finish the exercises. **

**But, as always happens when you are trying to avoid a conversation with a certain someone, you try desperately to concentrate on something else, hoping it would catch your attention and make you forget about such avoided conversation. And, being in a classroom full of students doing anything but class work, Shinji's options were unlimited.**

**The brunette decided to focus on a chat taking place two desks away from them. Miyagi Akina, her friends Konami Yuri and Chikamoto Nami, and Saito Yoshi were talking between them about their weekends. **

"**I was still able to go out on Friday night after the trip." Saito said proudly. Akina giggled.**

"**Still? What do you mean, still? You hardly did anything but play cards!" she pointed.**

"**Ha! Sorry to disappoint you, but I was playing football all the time and I ended up tired as Hell! While you, I recall, were laying your ass on a bench and gossiping…" he answered and the brown-haired girl frowned at him playfully. **

And all the kittens

"**For your information, I was merely chatting with the girls, and after Kaworu and Ikari were gone to have lunch with Yonamine, we had lunch and we spent the rest of the time playing sports too." she argued.**

"**She didn't eat with them." Yuri said. It was the first time Shinji heard her speak after she had called them and told them to exit the forest.**

"**How do you know that?" Nami asked and Yuri blushed from tip to toe, regretting her previous statement.**

"**Well, she entered the woods with Nakatani, so I guess she must have had lunch with him, Ikari and Nagisa…" she tried to explain, desperately. Kaworu, whose attention had also been drawn to the conversation, wondered how the blonde girl was going to get out of this one. "And…I mean, when we got here, Yonamine introduced Ikari and Nagisa to Nakatani… She wouldn't have introduced him to them if they had had lunch together, would she?" she finished triumphant.**

"**Sounds like you've been staring at them for quite a while." said Nami raising an eyebrow. Akina and Saito giggled.**

"**I reckon she is right." Akina said. "Yonamine wouldn't let a chance to corner Nakatani go. She's always following him around…" she commented.**

"**He follows her around." whispered Saito, so low that Akina didn't hear him. And judging by his tone, he hadn't intended her to. **

"**Anyway, those two are definitely up to something…" Saito added.**

"**Or she is up to something. Yonamine has a tendency for cute boys, if you ask me… First Nakatani, then Ikari and now… Kaworu!" Akina answered in a very low voice. **

"**Look who's been staring now…" Yuri whispered, now fully recovered from the shock of having to give explanations she wasn't prepared to give.**

"**Oh, c'mon, you have to be really blind to notice how many boys she keeps around her." Akina protested, waving her hand like dismissing the accusation. **

"**And we haven't mentioned this boy from class 3-a… I think his name is Imai…" said Nami. "There he is." she pointed with her head to the front of the classroom, where, to Shinji and Kaworu's surprise, a black-haired, tall boy was in fact talking to Mai, giggling, smiling, and, well you get the idea, giving the wrong impression.**

"**Summarizing, she wants them all." Nami concluded.**

"**Summarizing, she's a bitch." Saito translated closing his blue eyes with a satisfied expression, and the three girls giggled.**

"**She's not like that." Shinji's harsh voice was a bit too loud. **

**The four of them turned to stare at him, obviously noticing how close he was to them for the first time. **

"**You don't know her." he hissed, Kaworu was shocked at the anger the brunette's voice showed. The change in Shinji's personality was now more obvious than ever. The silver-haired boy kept looking at Shinji, then at the girls and Saito, like it was some sort of strange tennis match. "She's not with Kaworu and she is definitely not with me."**

"**And what about Nakatani and Imai?" Akina asked. She didn't seem intimidated by Shinji's tone of warning.**

"**She's not with any of them. I know her better than you do, you've hardly spoken to her at all!" Shinji answered rising his voice.**

"**Ikari, Miyagi, please! I require silence" The teacher, Mrs. Satou said in her eloquent English, but Akina ignored her.**

"**You don't know that… I don't really care, actually, you can block the truth out all you want, but one day you'll have to face the fact that she's after you and Kaworu." Akina said, and even her friends stared in shock at her, reluctant to believe she had actually had the guts to say that to Shinji.**

"**Shinji-kun, please…let it go…" Kaworu pleaded softly.**

"**No, I won't just let it go!" Shinji said without even looking at the angel. He then turned to Akina. "I do know! And I know she's not 'after' any of us! Just because you are too stupid to understand friendship does occur between boys and girls it doesn't make it untrue! And just because you are that kind of bitch it doesn't mean she has to be one too!" **

**At that point every single person in the classroom was staring at them. Even Mai, her blonde friend and her other friend Imai. And by the look on her face, she perfectly knew what they were talking about. **

"**Ikari!" the teacher said, shocked at this outburst from one of her best students. "Please, get out! I won't tolerate such vocabulary in my class! Go and explain yourself to the headmistress."**

"**Happily." Shinji grunted before exiting the room, to everyone's shock.**

Trapped in a madhouse

**After that the whole class started chatting and within a minute everybody knew what it had been all about.**

"**Yeah, he totally lost it, we were just joking about Yonamine" Saito explained to his friend Ri. **

"**A man has to stand up for his girlfriend, you know." Ri answered. "Specially if you were accusing her of infidelity!" they both chuckled.**

"**Mai and Shinji are not together. They are just good friends." Kaworu said as quietly as his anger and shock allowed him to. **

"**Then why did he get so angry about it?" Aizawa had joined the conversation.**

"**Because she is his friend, and you called her a bitch." Kaworu hissed, annoyed but still calm. The surprise slowly faded away in his mind, allowing the anger he felt take control "And last time I checked, friends cared for each other."**

"**Oh sorry, Nagisa, I forgot Ikari was your boyfriend…" Aizawa laughed. Kaworu raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.**

"**What the hell? He is dating both Yonamine and Nagisa? And we called her a bitch!" Saito commented and some of the students surrounding them laughed. But not Kaworu, who stood up.**

"**You little piece of…" he started but the teacher interrupted.**

"**Nagisa! Please!" said the woman, feeling her opinion of Kaworu dropping to the floor. She had liked the boy initially, he had such a perfect English… "Follow Ikari and explain your attitude to the headmistress too!" she finished.**

"**Why don't you say anything to them? They won't leave Mai and Shinji alone!" he protested.**

"**Out, Nagisa, if you please." said the teacher, and with a final glare, the angel left the room.**

Like a game of spinning tops

**He went downstairs to the office of the headmistress, still feeling his blood boiling after knocking the door.**

**If he had been any calmer, or if he had been more like his usual self, he would have noticed how human he had become lately. The fire he felt on his veins was new to him, for Tabris of Freewill didn't have the need of feeling angry. An Angel was powerful enough to always get what he wanted. And if you always get what you want, the possibilities of anger are almost zero.**

**Shinji was there sitting on a chair placed in front of the headmistress' desk. He widened his eyes when Kaworu entered.**

"**What are you doing here?" he asked.**

"**Detention" Kaworu muttered. When Shinji stared questioningly again he added "They hadn't had enough with Mai, so they started picking on you too." He sat besides Shinji. The brunette smiled weakly but his smile faded almost instantly and he looked away, apparently regretting the gesture.**

**At that moment, Sasaki entered the room, and lifted both her eyebrows at the sight.**

"**Ikari-kun? Nagisa-kun? What happened?" she inquired taking sit behind her desk and taking off her glasses.**

"**I insulted Miyagi Akina, sensei." Shinji said simply "To be specific, I called her a bitch" he added, without showing any problem with saying such word in front of the blonde headmistress.**

"**And why would you do that?" she asked.**

"**Miyagi insulted Yonamine Mai." He explained flatly.**

"**And then why isn't Miyagi-san here?" The blonde woman asked measuring Shinji's answers carefully.**

"**She wasn't heard by the teacher. I was" Shinji finished. Kaworu was shocked to see such a rebellious attitude in the foormer docile, shy and tender Shinji. **

"**And what about you?" she turned to Kaworu, apparently satisfied by Shinji's explanation.**

"**After Shinji-kun left they started insulting him too, so I answered back." Kaworu said simply, recovering quicly from the pleasant surprise of seeing the change in the brunette, with the same careless tone as Shinji.**

"**My dear boys… I have no option but to take action…" she said, truly sorry. "But I'll talk to Miyagi-san and your other classmates." **

**They both nodded and she added "I appreciate your honesty and I will take it into account. Now go and get some fresh air, calm down and return to class when you feel ready to."**

"**Thank you very much, sensei" They chorused and after bowing to her they exited the room.**

Start spinning the game

"**I think I'll go to the bathroom to calm down." Shinji muttered.**

"**Me too" Kaworu answered, feeling his rage evaporating. He wasn't going to allow this opportunity to corner Shinji go.**

**Seeing that he had no choice and/or escape Shinji entered the school's boys restroom followed by Kaworu.**

"**Shinji-kun…" Kaworu tried, but the blue eyed boy didn't lift his eyes from his hands, which he was washing like he was trying to wipe away his fingerprints. "Shinji-kun" he called again, getting the same reaction from the other boy. "Shinji"**

**The sudden surprise of hearing his name without the honorific from Kaworu's lips made it impossible not to answer this time.**

All my love

"**What" he replied harshly, drying his hands.**

"**Why are you so mad at me?" Kaworu asked softly.**

"**I'm not." replied Shinji avoiding eye contact at all means, yet his tone said otherwise.**

"**You and I know this has nothing to do with Mai or Akina." Kaworu said calmly "This is about you and me and what happened on Friday." He stated. Shinji made a indefinite sound, something between a 'hmp' and a 'ha', as an answer. "Isn't it?" Kaworu asked.**

**A moment of the deepest silence went by before Shinji answered.**

An array of emotions

**"It is, actually!" he hissed. "I'm so fucking tired of you beign all so mysterious, of you hiding things all the time, and your oh so confident attitude of expecting me to trust you no matter what!" He said, finally releasing all his anger. "You think you know me, Nagisa Kaworu! Well, here're some news, you know nothing about me! You can't expect me to trust you completely within a few weeks! You can't come out of nowhere into my life and kiss me out of the blue! And most of all, you can't pretend that I won't ask any questions!" He breathed " Who the hell are you?!" he finished furiously.**

I'm in general not myself

**"Shinji...I " Kaworu tried but he was interrupted. **

**"You what? What's going to be your perfect excuse this time?" Shinji bursted out. **

**Evidently, Shinji's attitude had changed incredibly. The little kid that longed desperately for love and affection was gone, leaving behind only an angry, lonely and suspicious teenager, that no longer welcomed friendliness from strangers. Shinji had changed, if for the better or the worse, Kaworu didn't know.**

"**I... Why don't you trust me? What have I done so wrong to make you so reluctanct to trust me?" Kaworu's soft voice contrasted with Shinji's angry shouts.**

"**Because you are always hiding something! You hardly say anything! You seem to know everyhting about me, yet I don't know a thing about you! Your family, your life, nothing!!" he shouted again.**

"**Shinji... My family is dead... I didn't know you wanted to know..." Kaworu started.**

"**That's not it! Why do you act so strange and mysterious all the time? Why nobody seems to know a thing about your life before you came to Osaka?" the brunette kept on yelling.**

"**My life? Shinji, you are my life... There is no such thing as a life for me before I came to Osaka, before I met you..." Kaworu said. Begged.**

"**How can I trust you?" Shinji added in the verge of tears.**

**The angel's heart seemed to ache terribly. A heavy burden seemed to grew more and more in his chest, making breathing difficult, slowing his heart beat... Was that what humans called Despair?**

"**I love you" Kaworu's voice was a whisper. "Please, believe me, I love you" he added in the same tone. " I can't do more than that... all I know is I love you..." He turned his back on Shinji and walked to the bathroom's door.**

"**Kaworu" the brunette called when the angel's hand was on the door. **

"**I love you too"**

**Kaworu turned around again. A pair of blue eyes met a pair of scarlet ones. **

**They stared at each other for a second that seemed eternal and during which they both felt complete, safe, at home... While they simply looked at the other's eyes, time seemed to passed them by, leaving them behind, only the two of them in a place where nothing existed but Ikari Shinji and Nagisa Kaworu. **

**The bathroom around them blurred, the sounds of the whole school vanished, the scent of soap faded away. Nothing existed for Kaworu, except for this boy, this blue-eyed brunette that had just told him that he loved him. And there was nothing else for Shinji, nothing else than Kaworu's soothing smile and piercing red eyes. At that very moment, they became timeless. **

**And before Kaworu could think, he had pinned Shinji against the wall and he was lost in Shinji's lips, in his face, in his neck, in his clothes. Before his mind could argue, Shinji's heart had made him kiss Kaworu back like his life depended on it. Before they could give it a second thought, they were caressing each other's bodies through their school uniforms. Hugging, kissing, nibbling. Loving.**

I'm spinning like snow

**To Shinji, it was more than magical, it was like leaving the world behind, forgotten. It was like nothing bad had ever happenned, like life was made of Kaworu's scarlet eyes, silver hair, tender smile and sweet lips. Because nothing else mattered now. Nothing existed for Shinji other than that. A simple boy. A completely normal boy with a tender smile. A boy that believed the world was Shinji. A boy that had opened his arms and held Shinji tight, close to his heart, protecting him, taking care of him. A boy called Nagisa Kaworu. **

**A boy who simply... loved him.**

**But suddenly, the school bell announced the break, causing them to pull away in a second and leaving them staring at each other, panting.**

**Kaworu stepped back, straightening his school jacket. Shinji separated from the wall. And the next second the boy's bathroom was flooded with students, chatting, laughing and joking. Completely unaware of what they had been about to interrupt.**

I'm censing myself

**--**

"**Where does it leaves us?" The brunette asked while filling his mouth with rice. Somehow thw question had left his lips smoothly. Somehow Kaworu had managed to make him feel at ease. Comfortable. Free.**

**After the morning's classes, Shinji and Kaworu had sneaked to the school's roof to share lunch. They had just arrived, and unpacked their bento lunches when Shinji spoke.**

"**What do you mean?" Was Kaworu's response.**

"**After... today... what, you know... what are we?" Shinji's confident tone disappeared, and he muttered the question shyly.**

"**What do you want us to be?" asked Kaworu mischievously, amused by Shinji's shyness. It was back again. He hadn't notice how much he had missed it.**

"**I... I guess I don't know..." Said the blue-eyed boy. Kaworu smiled. "We could be... you know..." he added.**

"**A couple?" asked Kaworu gently. "Do you want me to be your boyfriend, Shinji?"**

**Shinji blushed (of course), but nodded. The angel simply kept on smiling.**

You won't return

**After a moment or two, the brunette began to worry, since Kaworu hadn't answered yet. He lifted his blue eyes only to find that red gaze locked on his. Shinji didn't ask again, he could already see the answer in those blood coloured irises. **

**Without another thought, Kaworu closed the distance between them, softly pressing his lips against Shinji's. He stayed like that for a moment, before pushing it a bit further and kissing Shinji more passionately. The brunette responded by grabbing the silver-haired's sleeve loosely, and Kaworu entwined his long pale fingers in Shinji's hair pulling him more into the kiss.**

Sorry, It's been erased

**After a minute that seemed deliciously eternal, they both parted. Kaworu was the first to speak, without taking his eyes off Shinji's.**

**"If i said you taste like Heaven, I believe it would be a horrible understatement"**

**--**

**"They seem in love to me..." The femenine voice said matter-of-factly.**

**"Everyone seems in love to you" The other voice answered, in a tired tone. **

Orbiting debris

**"Maybe" Said the first voice, dreamily. "But that's because I'm a hopeless romantic"**

**"Hopeless? certainly... I don't know about 'romantic', though..." The second voice answered mockingly.**

**"You are just mean..." the first person whispered, but the second person said nothing this time. "I wonder what does God have against Love..." the first voice added, more to herself than to the second person.**

**"Nothing. He just doesn't fancy His people betraying Him. Especially those who are the closest to Him." Answered the second voice. **

Traitors, Cowards

**"And in any case" the second person added "you should realy not mention His name" The tone became a tone of warning.**

**"Mmhp? Why? Will God send his divine armies against me? I'm not afraid of him. And I couldn't care any less..." said the first voice in a neutral tone.**

Lifeless immortality

**"I know" answered the second voice. "But that doesn't make it a wise thing to do"**

**"Whatever..." the first voice said, dismissively. A couple of seconds went by. "It can't take much longer..." she said. Her voice didn't give away her feelings, whether of sadness, excitement or boredom, it was impossible to tell.**

They turn, turn...

**"No... it will happen soon" the second voice agreed.**

**"Then all we can do is wait. How boring." said the first voice. And they both looked at each other's eyes. Words were unnecesary between them. They had known each other for too long.**

All my love


End file.
